Inlaws from Hell

[RunAwaySoul]

I am so angry, upset, sad and disheartened that I can’t even explain the situation, probably.
My in-laws are extremely manipulative & my husband keeps falling for their tricks constantly, deliberately or not,I can’t tell. He agrees with me that his parents are manipulative & very interfering but somehow still ends up entertaining them.
We have been trying to stay in minimal contact with them to avoid the drama but they are extremely pushy & keep turning up at our house repeatedly. I blame this behaviour of theirs on my husbands incapacity to say no & give them welcoming signals.
This Saturday they turned up unannounced and when I asked them politely to call before they come, they became aggressive & started name calling me but I stuck to my guns & argues back until they left.
I am really upset with my husband because he has never taken a stance & says he is trying now , but it’s too little too late for me.
I don’t know what to do?

RunAwaySoul

Thank you for responding - it makes much more sense having read that. Sadly, knowing the background to your latest post, makes your dh sound pathetic - claiming to agree with you, yet failing to actually do anything to protect you and your relationship from them.
My MIL has said some awful things to me and about me over the years. During the course of our 35 year marriage, we have gone nc with her twice, for two years and four years. At all times, dh had my back and the nc was at his instigation. After the second period of nc, when MIL wanted to 'put everything behind us', dh made it very clear to her that ANY further interference or nastiness from her, would not be tolerated and would lead to a permanent estrangement. She now knows that despite his normally quiet, easy-going demeanour, my dh has a core of steel and once he makes a stand he is immovable. Her actions over the years have effectively reduced her relationship with our (adult) dcs, to a couple of duty visits a year. She doesn't want to lose her relationship with Dh, so now she toes the line. But, it only works because she believes him when he says he will not stand for her behaviour towards me. Your dh needs to stand up to his parents and protect you and your relationship. And they need to know he means it.

Update: OH went to see his parents and tell them about how we felt about their intrusion,not respecting our boundaries & other related issues. It got a bit heated between him & BIL but both his parents were indifferent. FIL kept smirking but didn’t say a word & MIL just listened & had no reaction..... absolutely none. From out past dealings with her, she is capable of being extremely cold & has some serious underlying issues. But NO REACTION APART FROM SMIRKING. Needless to say I am baffled......Any guesses why that reaction?

Well, they didn't need to have a reaction, did they? Not when BIL is clearly primed to fight their corner for them. This way, if the eventual outcome is low/no contact, they can entirely blame your dh, by saying that he came round to the house and provoked an argument with BIL but that they didn't get involved and yet are still being punished for some 'unknown ' offence. In other words, they can paint themselves as the innocent victims and your dh, egged on by you, as the villain of the piece. Your dh has to make his mind up - is he going to support you or is he going to allow them to continue to treat you both badly? The answer to that will have a bearing on how you plan your future.
Best of luck.

Banana sandwich.... Thank you for your input. You are right, why should they react if they have trained their pet dog to bark! OH went to see them, without telling me. If I had know, I wouldn’t have allowed it.

I just fail to understand how on earth can they justify all this to themselves. They all pretend to be a happy family unit, but keeps things from each other. BIL agreed with his parents that “white lies” are ok

I am glad we will be NC, hopefully. I don’t want this white lie business passing on to my DS.