Was IBU to be upset and annoyed?

[Choccywoccydoo10]

Me and DP live separately. He's my DS dad. We split last year and got back together but not living together again.

I have some kind of bug. Feel so sick, stomach cramps. Tired. I'm not in a good way. Anyway DP said we could go to his last night so he could help look after DS. Was really grateful for it. He has a day off work today and he could see I weren't any better and the pain I was in. But he was trying to rush us out his place. He said he had alot to do e.g. tidy. I know he prob won't and just sit on his sofa. So was IBU to be upset he didn't want to help me today while I'm still quite ill?

He has him 3 nights 1 week
2 the other
And every othwr weekend

Sorry assumed that was 3 + 2 + 2 for every other weekend

He doesn’t sound like much of a dad and certainly sounds like a shit partner. What’s the chances of him improving realistically? Suddenly seeing your pov? What’s the chances of him continuing to feel you’re being unreasonable and getting even worse? I reckon the later....hence....my advice....fuck him off.

I've woken up to a whole load of abuse now because he had a rubbish night with DS. He said he would have him tonight but then I have to have him Friday night. I said If I was well enough I couldn't because I have my work meal. He then said oh I see that's more important? I asked him what on earth he was going on about but didn't answer. I've had enough!

Last time I left I was quite scared of him. He had this hatred in his eyes and just looked like he wanted to hurt me. Like everything was my fault and he had done nothing wrong. When In actual fact he had done so many things wrong. Think I was crazy to try again.

Well now you know so you know what to do. If he's meant to have DS this weekend I might leave it until the last day of seeing him. Collect him. Go home then call him. Don't answer the door of he comes round and then try and give each other space until he next has your son

Well he called time on our relationship this morning. But then started saying about me and other guys!! He is just playing games I think. We were suppose to be taking our DS to see santa on Sunday too. Guess that won't happen now.

i think you've dodged a bullet here, he sounds vile. Take little one to see Santa by yourself, or with a friend? You'll probably have much more fun. Hope you're feeling better.

Def take him without his idiot of a father. And don't take him back, for yours and Dc's sake

Take your DS to see Father Christmas by yourself. Don't enter into conversation with him unless it's about your child. I don't think it would be a good idea for him to have anything other than supervised contact if he's threatening to kill himself. If he threatens suicide, absolutely do not go anywhere near him, but call the police and let them deal with him.

This is who he is and always was, the problem as I see it, is that you weren’t ready to really accept it. Time to stop waiting for a different him to show up by detaching and moving forward.

It took an act of violence against me in front of DD, before I let go of the person I wanted Ex to be and accepted him for who he was. ‘Being a family’ was my excuse for staying in an unhealthy relationship I wasn’t ready to leave out of fear of not being in a relationship.

isetan that's exactly it! I think he is capable of violence. He's screamed in my face before and thrown a couple of things. Not directly at me though.

Last night he text saying he was on a verge of a breakdown and didn't know what to do. He's trying to make me feel sorry for him isn't He? When I questioned and asked why he wouldn't give me an answer why and said he didn't want to talk about it.

Is his course related to domestic violence?

No it's not. It's for men who want to change their lives and who they are. And to sort out their problems they have. His seem to be his weight, trying to be better to me, showing love to his family and spending more time with his DS rather than just sitting on sofa and letting him play on his own.

I begun the power to change course, but never completed. Silly me thinking he wasn't that bad and was in my head!

Get rid op.
He's not really trying by the sound of it and you haven't even moved back in together so I wouldn't even consider that.
Don't feel guilty or bad for his own behaviour. If he thinks he's having a breakdown then he's a grown adult who's responsible for himself and needs to get to his gp asap,telling you is only for a reaction.
He clearly sounds angry so I wouldn't want to leave my 17 month old with him for a long time until he sorts himself out.
If he's called time and you agree then plainly tell him that and start making steps for life as a lone parent.
Don't rely on him or organise things for you to do as a family.
If you aren't actually together you can take ds to see Santa and he can on seperate occasions.
There's plenty of single parents that do it and at least the dc know where everyone stands.

I just need to be strong enough to keep away this time. Because I think I went back mostly out of loneliness. He seemed different but really he wasn't. He blames depression/me/Work but never himself. He won't go to the GP to get AD. Won't help himself. A part of me feels he hasn't got these issues I don't know. Now he's making me feel bad because I was ill! Claiming he's hurt his back some how and needs to go to hospital but he hasn't been so clearly a lie. It's all so draining!

You’re focus on his behaviour/ problems is very telling, it sounds like you have issues of your own that you haven’t acknowledged or understood. Unfortunately, these issues whatever they are, are probably a significant contributing factor to why you think and behave the way you do. When we wait for someone else to change we neglect the changes we have to make ourselves, it lets us off the hook. I’m not saying that he doesn’t have to make changes, he clearly does but you shouldn’t be in the same post code of hit ‘attempts’. Everyone has a role to play in relationship dynamics, especially unhealthy ones, what’s yours?

If you aren’t strong enough now, then you need to create a safe environment where you can be and for the sake of your MH, you need to detach from him. If that means having alternative contact contingencies so you’re not reliant on him then do so.