I read a text I shouldn’t have...what do I do now?

[Singaporeslings]

So ok yes turns out old wives had a point - eavesdroppers apparently do only hear bad of themselves.
I saw a text on DH phone where he said horrible things about my weight to a mate of his. (Yes I’ve put on around 8kg lately - because work/Home has been really busy & stressful & I just haven’t looked after myself).
I felt so sad & upset that he would say that out loud to someone. Something that I feel really down & vulnerable about right now.
He’s never said it to my face & is great at saying he loves me, he fancies me & reassuring me when I’m down about it, saying that it doesn’t matter.
To add to this - I then scrolled back up the texts he had with this mate & saw lewd chat about women he’d seen in bars. Again - he’s not like this at all. I’ve only ever seen him being respectful to women and he despises this type of behaviour in others.
We’ve always (I thought) been really open & honest with each other. We know our phone lock codes & often use whoever’s phone is closest for google/calling parents/taking to walk the dog/etc. I just feel so angry at him, I can barely speak to him and can’t seem to let it go. And he doesn’t know what I’m upset about and keeps asking what’s wrong.
So what should I do?

It's the worst kind of disloyalty from him. I wouldn't be able to reconcile it at all. That doesn't mean you can't get over it, though. But to be so truly unkind about you, who's fighting your corner if he isn't?

I’m in the minority here I think

Facts are facts and you admit it - you’ve put on weight. If I was you and I saw a text DP had sent to his mate calling me a fat cow or whatever then yes he’d also be in the wrong. But if the texts were simply him discussing me putting on weight then no, I wouldn’t be. I’d be more embarrassed than angry at him.

My friend and I can say some pretty gross/shocking stuff to each other sometimes. But we don’t mean it. It isn’t who we are. It doesn’t mean we are bad people and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s the way we usually are.

I once saw a Tom Hardy look alike in a bar and text me friend basically saying the things I’d like to do to him - but I didn’t mean it! I wouldn’t actually ever do anything! It doesn’t make me love my DP any less.

I think the main problem here is your insecurity over your weight. If you aren’t happy with it then change it. Your husband is entitled to be unhappy with it as well. He hasn’t been horrible about it, he hasn’t changed towards you.

Also, why were you looking through his phone?? Scrolling through his messages? Surely that’s a bigger problem than what he said?? No trust?

Facts may be facts but if he's saying it in a nasty way I don't see how that is ok. We have all said things to friends about partners we wouldn't say to their face. I think I would be more worried about the lewd comments about the women tbh. It depends exactly what he said.
There is a chance its bravado and banter with his mate, and he may be mortified that you know.
I would have to tell him though. I couldn't keep that to myself.
As for 'looking through his phone' well its not great but if you both trust each other and know each others codes etc, you shouldn't have an issue with him looking at messages.