I had an ex who put me down continually. He started off nice and loving and then gradually withdrew. He refused to hold my hand. Would hold his arm above his head and laugh while I cried. He told a guy at a market stall that he should go out with me instead of him when the guy agreed with me about a film I liked.
He would sit in the same room as me in silence for hours. Would accuse me of mauling him when I touched him. He got me sweeping leaves up outside his house with a dust pan and brush. I only saw him once a week and I would do anything to be near him. He criticised my house constantly, but would do jobs, so I felt dependent on him. I needed him to fix my awful house.
We had a sex game that involved him sleeping with other women and telling me about it. I pretended I liked it and a weird part of me got a mock out of him degrading me.
We did some bdsm stuff but I told him it actually felt abusive.
He said 'ok.'
Eventually I was able to get away. But now, even a year later, I think about it every single day. I'm scared to date and I feel very fragile. I feel like I'm traumatised still. I don't know how to move on.