Don’t know what to do - horrible partner

[Poppy678]

Hi, I don’t know where to start with this, I’m new to mumsnet. This might take a while...

Me and my partner have been together 15 years with two children.

He’s always trying to put me down (even though he thinks he isn’t) he very rarely tells me I am a good mum, which I am I think anyways. It’s like he doesn’t want to praise me at all. He’s always picky about me washing his clothes, how the house looks (even though I scrub the house all the time) and sometimes it’s hard with two children but I do my best. I do all the cooking for him wash for him,(he never cooks or washes his clothes or cleans) he does work I go to college two days a week, yet I am doing everything, not that I’m complaining I’m a mother but it would be nice to have a partner who praises you once in a while instead of been picky to you and trying to put you down.

He’s getting made redundant shortly and he keeps saying ”I’ll make sure everything’s kept on top when I am not working” he makes me feel worthless to be fair. As though I am not doing a good enough job at looking after everything.

With my first and second child I suffered with desperation and he wasn’t very sympathetic towards me that carried on for between 7-9 years on and of. His response was go to the doctor like it’s that easy. But am ok and coping with it very well now.

He likes to have the odd gamble here and there, which I don’t think we are in the financial state for him to be doing that, don’t get me wrong he hardly goes out.

I know this is a huge rant about my partner but I needed to get it of my chest somewhere.

Thank you if you have read this :)

Hi Poppy,
You might want to ask MNHQ to move this into the Relationships part of the site for you as you will get more traffic there and more responses.
He sounds like an arse and a bullying one at that.
Have you called him out on it before? Told him how his criticisms make you feel?
I personally couldn't live with someone like this who didn't acknowledge the time and effort it takes to run a home and raise children.
Helpfully point out to him if your way isn't suitable then he can always feel free to wash his own clothes and cook his own food.
What do you actually get out of the relationship with him, it doesn't sound good to be honest.

Hi :)

Yes I have told him plenty of times how his makes me feel and he doesn’t do nothing about it. He thinks he’s better than me in every way, he never has anything nice to say to me. And I’m getting real down. If you can imagine someone being really picky at everything you do that’s him with me sometimes I don’t even think he knows he’s doing it.

Poppi, please message get this thread moved to relationships.
Do you have any outside support?
He sounds awful, where is the joy?

How do I get my post moved?

I do have support. But no one knows what he’s like or how I’m feeling.

There is no joy in the relationship it’s gone.

If you want appreciation, write a list of EVERYTHING you normally do, leave it with him and let him take over the full responsibility of the house and kids for a few days, maybe even a week.
You go relax at a friends or something.
He might gain some perspective 😀

I wish that could happen. But I don’t have the guts to do that. And he would probably go mad if I did that and make things worse.

This sounds familiar to my marriage. I never felt loved or appreciated. If l tried to say how l felt l was told either l can't take a joke or that l knew where the door is.

I constantly felt l was walking on eggshells as l didn't want to upset him by saying the wrong thing and then putting him in a mood which would mean he would only give me one word answers.

We are currently divorcing.

I've not moved a post before so I'm not sure. Perhaps one of the other posters can advise... does Poppy report her own post then request it gets moved to relationships?

We are moving this thread to Relationships soon.