Just found out partner has cheated on me. How do I end the relationship?

[itispersonal]

As I was coming to bed , dp was asleep and videos playing on his phone. I checked his phone for messages (he does have a habit of being flirty with women). Anyway looked through archived messages and found out what whilst I was away last month with our dd and my mum. Dp met up with another woman in a hotel etc etc.

I can't say I've been in love with dp for a long while and as he has continually flirty, having a text relationship with other women It has eroded any love for him. But stuck with him for dd, can't really afford to split financially, him more so than me.

I have imagined life without him and what I would do, I have always wanted to foster but he never did, so would look into doing this to support myself and dd.

He doesn't know I have looked at his phone, I have left his phone on the messages for the date when I they were talking about their hook up. I've had an hour long chat with a friend to sort out my head about feelings etc but can't say I want to fight for the relationship, think he has worn me down.

But do I go and wake the soab up now and say he needs to go. Do I speak to him in the morning. Do I let him know but keep on as usual until after Xmas , also have Disney booked for march as a family. But think waiting would either mean we continue plodding along as we have been doing or it would finally send me over the edge.

There'll always be an excuse though - something will always make this not the best time. You don't love him or want him and he sleeps around. What's the point? Him having no where to go is not your problem. He can sleep on a friend's couch until he sorts himself out.

Good heavens, people, it's only been a few hours! What's all this "cycle continues" business? MNers must be feeling pretty jaded today...

While there are those who "plod on forever", it doesn't sound like OP or her XP are at all invested in keeping this going. Obviously an immediate departure would be ideal in all worlds but logistics often do take time to sort out, and not everyone has the kind of friends who would be delighted to have a couch-surfer show up in time for Christmas... and with OP's health issues, it sounds like she'll need the assistance until those are resolved. Sometimes it's hard to plan a new life while the practicalities of the old one are still getting in the way.

OP, if you are finding that it doesn't work out, do one thing: pick something you'd like to change. New bed linen, or paint your bedroom a different colour, or a place you've never been - and start planning on making it happen as soon as your relationship stops working out. Because it will be something new that you've done, all for you, and the start of making a new set of memories and associations - in other words, plan something you will look forward to about starting afresh.

Thank you. Logistically there are things to sort out, financially and other. Chucking him without wouldn't help our dd so will probably be a conscious uncoupling type of deal. He is in the spare room and think it will be a lodger type of arrangement until he moves out.

I don't hate him, we have drifted apart and if he hadn't cheated it could of been me that did. Also, I would want to amicably co parent with him.

Omg ? What is the point in even posting ! You will continue to be a doormat regardless of advice

lay off people. OP you're doing the right thing. Time to separate but you can take a little bit of time over it if that works for you.

You sound so done with this. Better to feel indifferent than devastated, though.
With my first ex, both of us were completely done and dusted with the relationship, no cheating as such but neither would've been that bothered anyway. We were amicable and continued living together for a while, much to the horror of family who thought it was 'weird' but he did move out eventually and we co-parent with no problems whatsoever.

I'm so sorry to hear about all this OP :(

You say he has nowhere to go but to be fair he has no problems booking a hotel room with the other woman for the night when he wanted to get his end away, so I'm sure he can jog on and make a reservation for himself indefinitely. He's a big boy, he can sort a roof over his own head.

People can be very cruel when posting on here - life isn’t always straight forward, it’s easy for people to tell you what to do but you have got to do what’s best for you! Good luck everything and I hope you find happiness in the future x