Acceptable or Unacceptable?

[Lovemykids]

I met a guy on the internet, and after several weeks of getting to know him arranged to spend the weekend with him - we live at opposite ends of the country so just meeting and going for a drink wasn't really an option! I didn't find him attractive, although got on with him as friends and was honest about how I felt. We said we would remain friends and see if anything develops.

I have now just found out that my sister has spent the weekend with him and arranged this about a week after I had seen him!

I am not jealous in any way - just felt angry and disappointed that she could go behind my back and arrange to meet him. Is this really what sisters do? How does she think that she can keep such a thing secret?

Although he won't admit to spending the weekend with my sister his argument is 'we' never really dated anyway and it is up to him who he sees!.....but he actually spent most of that weekend on the phone to me telling me he still cared for me etc!!....and is still phoning me several times a day now? Were they just having a good laugh at my expense?!

He is wealthy...my sister has no morals/scruples/whatever and is very much a gold-digger! She would stab me in the back at any time although very nice to my face!

I can't believe that she would do this to me...I have bent over backwards and put my life on hold at times to help and support her in some very difficult times (some of you may remember her having her ex take her child off her a while ago for 8 weeks...I was the one who introduced her to mumsnet and asked for everyones advice etc!)

Am I just being silly or should sisters not even go there?!

I am divorced....does this mean that as I am no longer with my husband either that she can move in on him at any time is she so wishes because we aren't together?! Probably bad example...but do you know what I mean?!

I refuse to talk to her at the moment...but the worse thing is she is the one sending ME nasty messages!!

sounds like ur better off without either of them lovemykids.

The thing that is wrong here is that she tried to keep it hidden. If you weren't interested in this chap but your sister was, for whatever reason, a quiet word with you first should have come first. She has been not very nice at all IMO about this and I almost feel that you'd be better well shot of both! Easier said than done when it is your sister though. Poor you.

As a sister I wouldn't date my sister's ex's. However from what you describe you weren't dating this guy. Also doesn't sound like your sister usually considers your feelings. I'd be annoyed with her though for not mentioning it.

Whilst she has definitely been underhand about it, what harm is really done. He is a nice guy who you would like as a friend, you don't fancy him, it would never have worked. Maybe there is some chemistry with him and your dsis? Wouldn't it be nice if your dsis had a nice bf?
Come on rise above it and wish them well.

very brave of you to meet someone off the internet with the intention of spending the w/e were you children going to be around to?

I'm not sure this is a real post? is it? perhaps im just niave but is sounds a bit jerry springer to me

Thanks for your comments...I'm glad that I'm not wrong in feeling annoyed that they (especially my sister) have been 'underhand' in all this! Surely honesty is the best policy? I have felt attracted to friends/family's dates/partners before...but it's just a 'NO GO' area isn't it if you have good morals??!!

Carmenere...I can't see how there was any 'chemistry' between the two of them...she could have only spoken to him on the phone a couple of times before arranging to meet him! She only knew about him from the things I said about him ....I think the biggest pull for her was the £££££££'s - he showered me with gifts before he met me, was already arranging to take me to Rome and various other places, put a £2000 diamond ring aside in the shop (because he knew I was the one!), telephoned me nearly every hour etc.....drove me crazy and scared me off to be honest!

Lucyellensmum - yes it does sound very Jerry Springer doesn't it, but very much true! Maybe my family would be ideal candidates for that programme!

You rejected him, you have no claim on him, he is right, it isn't any of your business who he sees. Yes your sister was wrong but perhaps she was wary of your reaction(correctly it would seem).

She wants a man with cash, you diddn't. He wants a girl who likes him, you didn't. It doesn't matter if it is genuine love or not. It will either work or it won't, either way don't waste any time holding grudges.

How did she get to know him in the first place?

I wouldn't like it if my sister did this but I can see carmenere's point about it not doing any harm to you.

FWIW I'd be very put off of a man that was booking holidays and buying jewellery for me before I'd even met him. I'd think he was desperate.

I'd let it go though. He sounds fickle to say the least.

She got to know him because one time I phoned him from my mum's mobile and 'they' both kept in touch with him! They thought I was crazy not to go out with the guy just for his money! I had asked them NOT to phone him and vice versa! They even told him lots of negative things about me...which he then relayed to me!

I guess I'm really cross with myself more than anything...this is just the icing on the cake!

I'm way too soft and let her sh't on me time after time, each time I forgive and forget because she's 'my sister', but like RLYL says "she just doesn't consider my feelings!"...EVER!

This is definitely not the first time, but it will most definitely be the LAST!

I can see your point. I have a strange relationship with my sister - not 'sisterly' at all and she flirts unashamedly with my ex-p whenever she sees him - she used to do it when we were together too.

Do you mean that you're mum has been encouraging your sister to contact him?

Take pleasure in the knowledge that you didn't want him anyway.

I think it sounds awful. Especially the bit about her and your mum telling him awful things about you. I hope she still uses Mumsnet so she can read this thread. I take it they are still at different ends of the country? Hopefully nothing much will come of it . I would hold my head up high and just ignore all her nasty text messages....