This might be long. My sister and I have never been close. She’s a difficult character, generally full of anger. In our teenage years we got on a bit better and used to socialise together with friends.
When she was about 20 she went on a night out with our cousin (he’s a lot older than us). She told me afterwards that he tried it on with her. At the time (and still now) she had a tendency to exaggerate and tell untruths. To my great shame I didn’t believe her.
About 2 weeks later I saw our cousin on a night out. I was very drunk. When I woke up in the morning he was having sex with me, raping me. It was the most shameful terrible awful sickening thing that’s ever happened to me. I only ever told one person in my family, my sister.
As the years have gone on she has become more and more angry that I didn’t believe her. She cannot and will not let it go. Whenever she drinks it all comes out and it’s vicious. She threatens to tell all the family what happened to me and I have to beg her not to. It’s my decision to make.
Of all the regrets I’ve ever had in my life it’s not believing her, but also telling her about the rape. She uses it as a stick to beat me with. There is no shred of sympathy or empathy for my situation at all.
We don’t speak now at all. If I see her at family occasions she just ignores me and throws me looks. All this happened with our cousin over 20 years ago now. We never see him ever. She stopped speaking to me 2 years ago and has said to our parents that she’s put up with loads from me and she’ll tell them one day. It would utterly destroy them which is why I don’t want them to know.
The thing is she’s my sister and I love her. I want to mend things but she won’t. She hates me. Maybe it’s because Christmas is coming up again, I just want to put it right. But my parents say she can’t even speak my name without looking furious. When she gets drunk she says very hateful things about all members of our family but I’m the main target. Do you think I can do anything about it? Or just let it be ☹️