Controlling relationship

[Delem]

My bf is fairly controlling, he has in the past “made” me sleep in the same bed as him when he came in drunk, I have a phobia of vomit so wanted to avoid this by sleeping in our spare room. As soon as he noticed this he started shouting, demanding that I come back to bed. I refused, the argument escalated and he ended up pulling the covers off and dragging me out of the bed by my feet . He also told me if I didn’t sleep beside him the relationship was over. He gathered up some of my clothes and threw them into our front garden. ( how embarrassing)

This has happened more than once and one time he put his hands around my throat. I fled to my parents. Their head could not be further up his arsehole. They tell me every single time to go back home and resolve the issue. I think they like him more than they like me.

This man gets very aggressive when he drinks, one night I picked him up from town after a night out, he wanted to go to maccyd’s so we went through the drive through out of the blue he started screaming at me telling me I was at
The wrong window. (I wasn’t) anyway I stood my ground.

Another time also picking him up after a night out drinking he started telling me off for having our dog on my lap while driving. I said you need to have her on yours. He refused so I
Carried on. He starts arguing, dog goes in back of car and argument escalated and he started putting my hand break up on a dual carriageway. I was so upset and scared. I drove him to his dads because I knew if we went home he could do something physical.

Other little things happen on a daily basis, how I tidy or do things. Who I see, if I go** Out it is constant guilt...I’m quite a bold person so I refuse to do it. I’m not a quiet little mouse.

He cannot go into a shop by himself I always have to go in with him.

Our relationship is also sexless, I think we have had sex twice this year. And honestly it was so awful I just wanted it to end as soon as it started.

I have in the past left this man briefly for about a year and a half but my friends and family encouraged w to get back together with him. He is very charming around other people.

Not point in this post, other than to get it off
My chest.

Your family are not on your side here. You can't stay with him just to keep your family happy.

God OP, he’s deranged. Leave as soon as possible. Please

As another poster has said leave today, the mortgage can be sorted. The dog can be fought over after leaving.

Your parents may regret you staying with him when they are at your funeral where he has beat ypu senseless. ACT NOW

A woman killed her partner by putting the handbrake on during an argument whilst he was driving. It's so dangerous. You need to end this for your own safety.

Very frightening thread are you ok op?

Come on, OP. New month, new start. Have you got ANY good friends that understand you? If so, go to them (with the dog?). Call Women's Aid. They're able to help you. I think you know that you don't want to be with him, and you know that he is very liable to kill you. Please call Women's Aid.

I would love to leave ASAP but for some reason it's not as simple as that. I'm afraid for some reason. He has made me feel like complete shit for so many years. Lack of intimacy and telling me I'm either too thin and my boobs look shit or I'm too fat. I can't win.
And he's not like that all the time, sometimes he can be very kind ( not making excuses ) but mentally it's hard to process when someone is so turbulent with the way they treat you. And honestly I'm no angel I will shout back and try to stand my ground.... sometimes I do things the opposite of what he's telling me to do. Last night 9pm was too early to go to bed apparently I have to check with the time lord and ask permission 🙄 I shouted back and went to bed anyway. I had to severely apologise this morning for my actions. He makes me so angry

Of course he’s nice sometimes. Textbook abuser. If he was a cunt 100 percent of the time instead of 95 percent, you wouldn’t always be searching for that 5 percent.

I hope you’re making plans x

@pollythedolly omg yes! You're so right! I need to keep that in mind. It's just so much easier to say right, I'm gonna leave. Actually doing it is the hard part.

Keep posting o.p this site can ve really beneficial to people in your situation. Just asking does he ever check your phone? Maybe just erase your browsing history so he cannot find this thread.

@ICESTAR no he doesn't actually which is quite good. Thankyou for checking up on me. It's not too bad right now but I know it'll get bad over Christmas because he'll be drinking. X

Please, please, please start the process of moving out. Could you go to your parents or friends temporarily at least if he gets drunk over Christmas? Could you afford a B&B or small hotel? I think you need to have somewhere to go to in an emergency.
Have you spoken to Women's Aid - they may be able to help you with this?

Contact Women's Aid or your local domestic violence group - they can give advice and may be able to find "foster care" for your dog.

Once you have left do the freedom programme and get some counselling- your family may not be the healthiest which could well have predisposed you for putting up with abusers like this.

Get out now!

My family aren't much help but if it did get bad they would obviously let me stay with them. They would encourage me to get back with him. They told me that everyone has problems and I will always find something in relationships that I will be unhappy with! I just don't think they understand! I am actually planning on going to my doctors I have actually found myself in a stupid situation where I fell stupidly for my boss and confided in him, we became very close and We did start something but I've just found out he was sleeping with someone else too. A complete mess all round. I need to sort my life out there must be something wrong with me!

Hi Delem. Thank you for replying and no problems. So are you aware it will prob escalate over the xmas period, could you start to slowly put a plan together if you need to escape. Can you have a small bag ready with essentials packed and passports/ important documents that you can stow away for just in case? Maybe see a solicitor on the quiet to find out your rights? Maybe find any important financial documents. Sometimes the preparattion gives us power because you have something in place when the going gets tough.

I will only reiterate one point though.

I have read many times that a man putting his hands to your throat is the one of the biggest red flags as a sign that he could go on to kill you. I'm not trying to frighten or pressure you but be ready if he escalates. It might be worth having ten pound pay as you go phone in that bag as well topped up in case you need to get to another phone in an emergency.

I hope you can plan your exit in time because no one deserves to live like this.
If you ring women's aid, they Will have lots of advice on how to make a safe exit when you are ready. I sense you are scared to which make sense of course but you should not to live in this fear.

Your future and freedom is waiting for you. I hope you are find the courage to reach for it one day soon.

There is nothing wrong with you. Just do not let the situation with the boss go any further. Definitely go to your gp for support.

Unfortunately your family are not very supportive so I would not use them ad a means for an exit. Women's aid can help you find a place.

I think you reached out for your biss because he was the only one showing you kindness but now you feel a fool because it was just a line and he prob uses it on everyone. That's not your fault. You are very vulnerable but keep away from him. Your main thing right now should be to get some support in your dv situation. Good luck