Went too fast- how to slow down again?

[Rainybohoho]

I have been seeing someone for nearly two years, both previously married and each with respective children.

I think we both got a bit too carried away with how rosy and simple the future would be, moving in together, blending families etc. It has turned out (predictably I now realise) that this isn’t going to be so simple and now things all feel a bit complicated.

I love him. I’m not particularly worried about being on my own, I’m financially independent etc. We talk a lot, I can be very honest with him, but I do feel disappointed (and maybe let down) that it’s all gone a bit strange and reality isn’t what we want. He is on the same page. We need to slow right down and be together but it’s not easy adjusting. Is it possible or are we still just playing make believe?

How far have you gone? Is it the reaction of the DCs that's not what you envisaged?

Do you live together or not got that far? If you haven't and are both feeling the same then couldn't you just agree which days you'd spend together and which days you'd do your own things? The hard part is if one of you wants to slow it down more than the other. If you feel the same then why is it a problem?

We have both met and spent time with each other’s DC and the DC have all met each other. Staying over has happened a couple of times.All been relatively fine.

We haven’t rushed things in the practical sense, more in our conversation and our heads. Talk of moving in together and babies, a bit ahead of ourselves.

A couple of things happened in terms of he is unreliable at times, partially because his ex seems to move the goalposts constantly regards contact, and Ive felt like I’m waiting around like a bit of a twat, as does he, but I’m an organised sort and it gets to me that our plans come second.

I guess we do both want to slow it down, but I feel a sense of loss and a bit let down.

After 2 years though why the need to slow down? 2 months maybe but not 2 years!

That doesn’t sound at all rushed to me. Maybe it’s just a case that you both are just drifting apart a bit.

Sounds more like he's slowing it down and that's not so much what you want. This makes it so much harder. This has just happened to me and was the beginning of the end. I hope this is not the case for you. If you are equally as happy to slow down as he is then you could act that way and don't just be there for him always. Easier said than done, I didn't manage that! Good luck.

Maybe it is drifting apart/him slowing down 🙁 I guess I just have to be patient and see how it pans out.