Moved closer to family and now we never see them

[bet9d]

Hello all!

First post on here and really need to vent / hear some advice. After me and my fiance had DS1 I was obsessed with moving back closer to my family who are were an hour away. My parents constantly talked about how amazing it would be and how much they would help with him so after 9 months of hell selling our house and finding new jobs we took the jump and moved.

We have been here for 6 months now and I feel like I have the made the biggest mistake ever!! My 'hometown' is definitely not my home anymore, and I really miss where we used to live. And as for my parents we hardly see them! We probably saw them more when we lived further away because they would make a huge effort to spend quality time with us.

I'm just feeling so deflated, I know it's unfair to blame my parents so now I really blame myself and feel so guilty dragging my family somewhere I don't want to be. :(

We moved after our DC were born much closer to MIL who previously had talked at great length about family support and it's importance. My DH became depressed and she wouldn't even babysit when his GP said that he should ask her for his mental health support. Fortunately we were renting and relocated back to our original city some hours away after a year. We then moved overseas. We have always seen more of MIL after that first year. I think that significant damage was caused in the relationship between DH and MIL as a result of that year and we are both clear that we cannot expect any support from MIL. She is a nice person but basically a Disney grandparent. She makes more effort when we are far away and I think she isn't scared of getting trapped into providing more help than she wants to. I have every sympathy for you and suggest explaining to family that you are considering moving away again.

Hi mumisnotmyname, yes! I can agree with so much you're saying about the 'disney grandparent'. When our house was up for sale I had all these fantasies of family days out & tea round and grandparents. We don't do anything together, and they call round for a quick brew or have our son for an hour when I need to do shopping but I feel like it isn't the extra support we were promised before we moved.

I have mentioned it that I feel like I don't belong, and really wish that we hadn't bought again and rented to test the waters. I long for my city home again but due to mortgage ties and new jobs it just isn't fair to pick up and move just yet :(

I live an hours drive from my daughter and her hubby and 2 grand children. I am not with her father we divorced when she was 14 she is now 34. Her father is 13 years older than me and retired early her husbands parents are also retired. Me and hubby still work no children but have 2 dogs. I get quite upset sometimes as all the grandparents apart from me get to see the grandchildren all the time and whenever they want they live close by. When I do visit I feel like I really don't belong and have decided to go LC as it causes me to much upset. Me and hubby have discussed moving closer to them but the reality would be I would be in the same situation as I am now...working....2 dogs to walk twice a day so maybe when I have retired also I can build some kind of relationship with my grand daughters...,I just send birthday and Xmas pressies look on Facebook etc. it has caused a bit of a rift between me and my daughter which is really sad because we were really close. Her father who is excellent by the way has remained single since our divorce 20 years ago and his main focus is our daughter and grand children ...I kind of wish he had met someone else and maybe I would have got more of a look in really.

DH has a sister living about 20 miles away. We joke that we see more of her when we have meet ups with the other 2 siblings who live 500 miles away.

Thank you for your messages! Had a serious chat with DH & decided that we are going to get the house sorted (needs lots of TLC as we bought it to do up) then consider selling up 2019. Our son starts school September 2020 so would like to be settled back into our city life before then. I'm scared of moving as when he goes to school we will need more support, but I can't live here feeling so miserable just because grandparents are round the corner!

Seems to me that as long as your husband is in agreement with you about your moves, it is straightforward. You do what is best for you and your kids. Grandparents have lost their chance, though to be honest I think your expectations may have been unrealistic in the first place, though to be fair, you do recognise that!

I don't think it's just about grandparents either really. Deep down before we moved I had doubts but actually moving kind of confirmed my 'hometown' isn't my home anymore. Yeah my expectations were definitely higher than they should have been I guess!

You and DH have made a plan, moving is a pain but staying somewhere that doesn't work out is worse.

@user1497997754 why go low contact? It’s your daughter and grandchildren just explain! That’s so sad to read 😔

Because LC means I don't get so upset.....and less expectations of the relationship?