When your child says reminds you of your ex

[Tearsoffrustration]

DS said a phrase last night & it’s something my ex says I said ‘you sound like Daddy’ & DS replied ‘daddy told me you didn’t like it when he said that’ - which technically is true it did used to irritate me.

I was really surprised he would have told DS that (who is 6) and I feel bad that DS might think he said something I didn’t like - I honestly only commented because he sounded so much like his Dad!

Your son is probably running it past you to test to see if it's the truth. His dad maybe said the phrase in passing, then remembered and said out loud what he remembered. Could have been malicious, do you get on in general with your ex, does he have form for this type of thing?

I would refrain from making any comparisions between your son and anyone else.

My son has never met his father. I do find it fascinating that I can 'see' his father in him though. It might be a facial expression, or a way of holding himself, or the way he cries...

I have said to him, "you know, X used to do that" as a way of giving him some context to himself - but never in a negative or critical way.

I’d avoid comparisons too. One of the girls partners parents split when he was nine. It was very hostile and there was no contact permitted between children and father by their mother (who in fairness was rather dumped on and is still bitter). As an adult the boy has now accepted some contact and is beginning to see his father very occasionally. He is understanding breakdown in marriage isn’t necessarily one sided but accepts his father behaved atrociously walking out and leaving them almost destitute. His embittered mother however frequently says things like ‘ you’re just like your father’ as an insult when she isn’t getting her own way. Or ‘it’s so nice your sister is like my side of the family’. I get she’s hurt about the reconnecting of father and son but think the comparison with someone she clearly despises is unfortunate and damaging.

Oof. 'You're like your dad' was always an insult to my (narc) 'D'M.
I don't get how it could be taken as anything else. Don't say it

I say it fairly often to my dd, but always, always with a positive connotation. Unless it's levied as an insult, I don't think there's anything wrong with it - it can foster a sense of belonging to both sides of the family.

When my mum was mad at us, the nastiest thing she could say (as is now clear - it wasn't at the time) is 'you're so like Aunt X', her sister.

Really poor form, unless it's positive.

I try my best to be positive about his Dad - and I only commented on it because it’s something i’ve only heard him say - it was neutral.

If he’s run through a list of things he used to say that annoyed me then that’s going to be a long list