Is it possible to never get over someone?

[DepressedandAlone]

It's been a year no contact.

Today the whole Harry/Meghan stuff was massively triggering for me (I was all "why did he never want me?").I was so in love with him. I just really wanted to love and care for him.

He thought nothing of me and was actually really cruel to me at the end.

Although I'm no contact and know he won't contact me again, I still love him and still feel no other man will ever match up or make me feel that way.

I literally lit up when he walked in a room. He never felt that way about me.

Will I feel like this forever? It feels so shit and makes me feel so valueless. I should be over it by now.

I feel the same. I think it will get better, in time. I don't know if I'll ever entirely get over my last ex, though. I think a part of me will always be in love with them.

Take your time, allow yourself to be upset, it's not a bad thing to feel bad. You're going through the healing process and need to be patient with yourself

In the mean time maybe taking up a hobby / going to the gym may boost your confidence levels and also divert your mind ...know it's tough. I didn't get over my ex properly for 3 years but now I'm with someone who is so much better in ever single way and I never even think about ex.

It's true what they say, time is a great healer

A year is nothing.

You'll be indifferent to him within a decade but probably much sooner.

Had someone some 18 years ago, I still think, and wonder what life would have been like.

I felt like this but now 6 years later I actually don't even like him and wouldn't want to be with him even if I had the opportunity. I honestly would never had thought I would say this a couple of yrs ago. It really does get better but for me it took a long time.

It sounds like the cruelty actually affected you as much as losing him. Cruel guys can make you feel like you won’t meet anyone who would want you, so you can feel worse about the relationship ending. I would focus on other aspects of your life that will make you feel good about yourself. Training to boost your career, a new hobby, getting fit, whatever will take the focus off your lack of a relationship. By the time you meet someone else, he’ll just be a distant memory. Good luck OP

I think the whole thing did affect my self esteem very badly.

I feel like no one else would want me and in turn this has made me emotionally really cling to the idea of him. I know that he's happy with someone else who is everything that I am not and that is torture.

I feel so depressed.
I was just googling depression and read that it is your bodies reaction to stress.
I feel like my life is over and there is nothing to look forward too.

I remember whenever he would text or call or we had a date I would be so thrilled and so excited. Its so pathetic I felt like this when he wouldn't even notice he's not spoken to me for a year. He was really the bright spark in my day. I loved him so much.

My life is really empty and I feel so alone. If I had one wish it would be that he felt about me the way I felt about him. I think that what was so upsetting about Harry/Markle today - just that they were so obviously both mutually into each other. I was like one of them but just pissing into the wind.

Perhaps go to the doctors and ask to be referred for some counseling.
Tell them that a personal loss is still impacting on your life, massively.
You feel down and you don't know how to get over it

I'm going through this at the moment. What makes it worse is that we work together. We weren't an item for all that long in the grand scheme of things, but we were best friends, lovers, and for a time, we were absolutely everything to each other.

He had a horrific childhood and I'm almost certain he has undiagnosed PTSD - all the hallmarks are there (I have my own, often very problematic mental health issues). He suffers with depression too, overthinks and gets stressed easily. He throws everything into work, which he always said gave him the structure and the control (particularly over himself) that he so desperately craves.

When he met me, he said I brought chaos into his life and he didn't know how to handle it. He'd swing from adoring me and wanting me with absolute passion, to pushing me away and telling me he couldn't do it. He kept coming back, we grew closer each time. I was the first woman he'd been in love with for over 20 years.

Then we both went through a very stressful time, independently of each other. We've always felt each other's pain acutely, and this seemed to be the death blow. He distanced himself entirely from me, his only explanation (when asked) being that our reactions to things made each other difficult to handle, and that he very often struggled to cope with it. I've always been patient and understanding with his mental struggles, which he was always so grateful for, so for him to just walk away so coldly has absolutely destroyed me.

Seeing him at work is agony. He's laughing and joking and being the life and soul, like he always is at work, but whenever he has to be involved with me there, his eyes are guarded, his smile - which was always so genuine for me - is now the standard plastic, teeth baring grin.

It's awful. My heart is shattered. I'm trying so hard to put on a brave face and be my own usual self at work, but it's absolute torture. Like you, Depressed, I always lit up like a bloody bonfire around him. Everyone said how perfect we were together. Clearly, we weren't, at least not to him.

I don't think I'll ever get over losing him. He was part of me. I now question all the things he said to me - were the intimacies lies? Were we TOO alike? Or did he just wake up one day and realised he'd fallen out of love with me?

Sorry for the essay. I really, really feel for you

You’re making this about him when it’s about you. You gave and continue to give him more power than he had/has and to move forward, you need to find out why. I think being in relationship and what being in a relationship represents to you, was probably more important than the calibre of the person you were in a relationship with. The truth was, you were probably hiding in an unsatisfactory relationship because better something then nothing. even if the something, wasn’t great.

If you feel stuck after a year, then maybe it’s time to investigate ways that might help the unsticking process along, counselling, ad’s etc.

Thanks Crash for your post and I hear you too.

Isetan

I'm not sure its not about me. My whole problem is that although I felt that starry eyed excited love he didn't. I don't think that is normal is it? Normally if one person is in that state the other person is too. It is that attraction that is mutual. There must be something wrong with me for me to have felt so strongly about him and him to have felt nothing.

I think being in relationship and what being in a relationship represents to you, was probably more important than the calibre of the person you were in a relationship with.

I don't think this is right either. I'd been single for a long time before him because I don't need to be in a relationship. I thought he was an exceptional man. I'd never met anyone as amazing as him before really - he has everything I'd ever wanted. Except that he didn't see me in the same way.

The last time I saw him before we broke up he was telling me how great an ex gf of his was. [It wasn't in the context of making me jealous or triangulating; it was in passing. They dated a long time ago and she has since married.They don't really see each other any more socially but occasionally do through work].

It really stuck in my mind and made me feel terrible because I couldn't even imagine him talking about me like that - like he really liked her as a person. I felt by the end of it that I was a sort of last resort fill-in for him if he wanted to have sex. He sort of liked me (Thought I was alright I suppose - not repulsive) but took no real pleasure in seeing me or knowing me.

It still hurts and makes me want to run round screaming Why? Why was I not enough? What did I need to make you want me or even care about me at a friendship level - forget about love . It's all come back again very intensely.

If he was genuinely cruel and horrible chances are he could be Narcissistic. These types can get stuck in your head and are only capable of loving themselves, which is why it hurts so much. He isn't wired like you are OP and doesn't deserve your longing for him. I was like this once but realised that charm, that spark in him, wasn't real.
There's nothing wrong with you and even Markle has been divorced before finding her 'Prince'. Once you realise your ex is just another person you will feel better.
Also imagine him having a massive smelly poo if it helps.

"My whole problem is that although I felt that starry eyed excited love he didn't. I don't think that is normal is it? Normally if one person is in that state the other person is too."

I think you might have a bit of the Big Hollywood Lie going on here - that that feeling is the start of a mutual huge romance, and that you are supposed to pursue the other person, constantly proving your true love over and over until the big finale where they finally realise you are the best thing that ever happened to them and they sweep you off your feet in the driving rain.

The reality is that people OFTEN have unreciprocated feelings towards other people, but there arent any big films about those. I fell in love at first sight with an ex of mine, I was skipping home from our dates picturing how this was the story we would tell our children of how mummy and daddy fell in love. He dumped me (by letter!) after our fifth date, totally out of the blue. He just didnt feel what I felt.

Anonymoususer1938
Well played for staying no contact for a year.
That’s no small achievement especially when you still feel the way you do about this bloke.

Thank you for your post.Id not thought about it in that way at all.

Looselips thanks for the smelly poo thought. He could be a narcissist I think.

I want all this true love Harry /Markle stuff to die. down. It's making me feel really shit about him. I expect he''ll soon be like this about her or someone not me. why not me

The only cure for grief is motion OP. Live your life as fully as humanly possible. Work hard. Play hard. New hobbies, trips anything. Broaden your social network. Date - it's been a year!

Bollocks to that bubble bath/new slippers/eat ice cream crap. You need to fill your life with a bunch of new interesting stuff. Do at leAST two things each day that move you forward. You've wasted a year on this man. Do Not Give Him Another Day.

And yep I know what I'm talking about. I used the exact strategy above to move forward from my DH's death when I was 33 and then again from a relationship break up in the summer.

Crack on. Now.

I think grobags has great advice. Kids a few frogs and have some fun and you will get over it in time. One year is not that long if you are a deep feeler. He wouldn't have been with you if he hadn't wanted to but perhaps he's just not as deep a feels as you, with anyone not just you.

He could be a psychopath. Idolise, devalue, discard. Narcissists do this too.
Find yourself. What are your opinions, ideas...? Raise your self esteem. And I what grobags said!

grobagsforever that is great advice and just what I need to hear. Thank you.

I honestly think there are times when you think you can't get over someone but it's possible. When you find the right person, they'll make you feel like no one else ever has. It might seem so far away right now but one day you'll see that he wasn't everything you thought it was, and there is someone so much better - that's moving on. Whether you meet your soul mate ar 14 or 50, I really think it happens x