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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Afraid I've messed up my life - please help!

4 replies

DanaScully83 · 27/11/2017 22:51

Hi All - I had my DS 4 months ago. I'm originally from the UK but have been living on the other side of the world for the past 2 years with my DP. I had a very traumatic labour and I'm only just starting to feel like myself again. I ended up having an emergency c section and I'm struggling to come to terms with the changes to my body. I can't even look at the scar or look at myself in a mirror. When my DS was 4 weeks old I found out DP had been watching porn throughout my pregnancy. This is despite the fact we continued to have a regular and fulfilling sex life all through the pregnancy. I'm so upset and feeling awful about myself. I keep comparing myself to porn stars. I feel so angry as well - 2 years ago i gave up everything to move to his home country and he couldn't even give up watching porn for me. I've got myself in such a state that I've decided I want to leave him. The problem is we are unmarried and I gave birth to my son in DPs home country so I can't just come back to the UK. So as not to drip feed there is some history - 2 months into the relationship he slept with another woman - I only found this out when I was pregnant. Please help I'm so confused and feeling very fragile.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 27/11/2017 22:53

Have you consulted a lawyer in the country?

writergirl747474 · 27/11/2017 22:59

Is the country Australia? If so I understand it's very difficult to take a child to live elsewhere without permission from the other parent. I moved to Oz with my DP and it can be lonely at the best of times - let alone with a new baby and troubled relationship.
Could you play the long game? Would your partner move to the UK? You'd be in a better position if you and the child lived in the UK and then you split with him?

Shen0102 · 27/11/2017 23:02

Go to a British embassy and register the birth. You can also apply for a passport from the embassy for the baby or some kind of temporary document to let you into the UK.

What country are you in at the moment??

Jellyheadbang · 28/11/2017 00:27

Oh sweetheart that’s heartbreaking
So sorry hes fucked with your head, finding out whilst pregnant that he cheated , emergency c section as well as the porn revelation must have all been quite traumatising for you.
You really need to get some support from somewhere either counselling or friend/ family member.
You’re still vulnerable after having recently given birth and this could impact your emotional and mental health.
Sounds like you’re too good for him and either need to start a new life there or come home.
Get legal advice ASAP.
Hugs x

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