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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separation/Divorce

1 reply

SarahGGSS · 27/11/2017 20:18

Has anyone been in a situation where they have separated/divorced when their baby was quite young?

I have a 10 month old daughter and I'm concerned about what would be fair/appropriate when agreeing custody with her dad.

I have always done everything for her, feeding, bathing, changing, putting to bed, waking up with her at night, cooking her food, getting her dressed, getting her down for naps, nappy changes etc. Her dad isn't very hands on, but I know that I obviously would need to find a solution for him to have regular contact and to allow him to learn the ropes should we separate.

My question is, what would be a appropriate for a 10 month old baby, who is very attached to me and whose dad will need to learn her entire routine/process for looking after her.

An additional complication is that if we do separate I will have to move in with my parents who live 3 hours away, again, what would be a fair agreement with that in mind.

It's also worth mentioning that I'm also breastfeeding her, I haven't expressed for a long time so I have no idea if I can produce enough milk when expressing to build up a supply, but I've always wanted to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible. I do give one bottle of formula at bed time, but other than that she's breastfed during the day and when she wakes up st night. Again this is something that concerns me if I'm not around.

I'd really like to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation whether it's an agreement you came to together or whether the courts ruled on the best approach, as I have no idea what a court would suggest.

I'm incredibly anxious about the prospect of leaving her alone without me there and it's the only thing keeping me in an unhappy marriage.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
alittlepieceofme · 27/11/2017 20:28

My partner left when ds was 8 months old. His dad has him for 1 hour during the week after work and 2 hours on the weekend. I try and make sure that visitation is around his naps, ex can't him down for naps so I need to have him to make sure he has them. Ex hasn't asked for anymore than this at the moment but I'm sure as he gets older ex will want him more! It is hard being away from him as I have done everything for ds and I'm still breastfeeding.

My ds is quite happy to go and have his time with his dad, the only time I have stopped him taking him is when ds has been ill then his dad has had his time at my house.

You have to do what is right for your child, they come first not what either of you wants!

I don't know how you are going to manage though with the 3 hour distance between you!

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