Amicable split - need options and advice

[andanothernamechange]

Hi. So my DH and I have amicably decided to split up after 20 yrs. We have one DD age 13.

We want to stay in the same house at the early stages but need somewhere to get advice / insight on how to do this splitting up in amicable but structured way.

Any ideas, experiences, advice?

See a solicitor ASAP.
No such thing as amicable and still in the same house.
Once you stop cooking /washing /etc for him it will turn nasty ..

Whilst I do not wish to be as bleak as Tinsel I do think he/she is right about getting outside help. You can pay a mediator to work the stuff out. You could, if things are really ok at moment start working through the divorce paper work: you can buy a do it yourself kit at WH Smith’s. There is a lot of advice on line : check out the Citizens Advice website. Good luck!!!!

Don't worry I'm under no illusions. And it's amicable after 2 years of trying to working it out after his affair, we've had therapy , argued and now just come to the realisation that it's best for both of us and for DD to split but are really keen to stay a family unit however that might look.

And yes it's the arrangements and things that might cause it all to unravel. So a solicitor and mediator seems to be the starting point.

If you have seen a counsellor together (and you found it helpful), it might be worth carrying with that too during the process.

For what it's worth, the 6 months XP and spent living together after we split up were the happiest time we had together. The pressure was off and we just got along as housemates. To be honest I regret moving out. We split up because we were friends not lovers though, so different to your situation. We are still amicable although weren't married so maybe hat makes things easier as we didn't have to involve lawyers. We still do something together every Sunday as a family. DD is 3 and now can't remember it being any different.

Qwmquat that's exactly what I am aiming for! Just not sure how to get there with logistics and legal stuff.**

What you have to take into account is

A third of fourth person into this situation.

I have friends who divorced - were not amicable for 18 months and then settled down to parent the dc and became amicable

I think there ‘secret’ is nit letting new partners call the shits and they need to understand that they still parent together.

They live on the same largish housing development

He had the dc with him as much as he could

He has always looked out for her financially- he changes her car for her every three years and has provided for the dc

Dc now grown up but she looked after him when he came out of hospital

They are kind to each other

Her partner accepts him as ex