Too jealous in my relationship -affecting my mental health. Help?

[KatDubs261]

A few months ago I discovered my boyfriend was having close online friendships with two women. not flirtatious as such, but flattering their egos and taking too much time away from the relationship. After talking to him my boyfriend spoke to one of the women and said he had to distance himself from her and she accepted it. We put in place boundaries where he was no longer treating them like online pseudo girlfriends.

Three months later things have improved a lot. He has kept his word on not continuing with the close friendships but one remains, his 'best friend' as he once called her.

she phones at strange times, having interrupted our time together more than once and texts him frequently. she is single and very reliant on my boyfriend for attention I find. they have been friends for 8 years.

i feel I am starting to go mad complaining about these calls and know he loves/is committed to me. They used to phone each other a lot before I came along and I think she wants to continue as normal. I know he loves me and yet the constant jealousy is plaguing us. What can I do?

I’m confused, OP.

In September you had a thread about snooping on his phone and you discovering him messaging a woman regularly (but nothing sexual). Is this the same woman? In that thread you said you’d been together for a year.

Yet this time last year you had a thread about a guy you’d dated just five times and wanted to know how to break it to him that you planned on leaving the country this summer. So, were you dating Mr Fifth Date while seeing your current boyfriend for three months?

What I also can’t get my head around is that in April you had been with a boyfriend for 7 months. This would fit in with the boyfriend of a year if you’d started seeing him in September last year but would suggest that you’d been with him for four months at the same time as seeing Mr Fifth Date.

Last week you had a thread about the wedding that he went to and were pissed off that he hadn’t contacted you during the day itself (and taking into account the time difference that would have been extremely tricky).

In April you had a thread where you were worried about him because at a wedding you both went to you were concerned he might not want children, although everything else was wonderful.

You had an epic thread in June last year about your then boyfriend.

Taking all things together, it seems you’re lousy with dates and picking men.

I'm aware of my past thread history. I'm dating the same guy I have been and was seeing another guy in the summer shortly before I met him.

My boyfriend told me he didn't have boundaries in his frienships before we met. he has put boundaries in place in the last 2 months but this woman is just continuing as she has been for years. it's hard to undo that!

My point is you've been coming here posting about problems with this guy since April. Why are you still bashing your head against the proverbial brick wall trying to make something work that clearly doesn't and him being apart from you for 12 months is only going to make your MH worse. Just bin it off, like we all suggested in September. Or on last week's thread covering very similar ground.

the thread from April is resolved. as in we do both want children and have discussed the future more in that sense as time has went by.

I'm not interested in telling me to break up. I was just looking for advice on how to overcome my issues with jealousy. All things considered I think I am going to speak to a therapist as I am feeling overwhelmed.

He told you he had feelings for her, and youre wondering why youre feeling jealous?

Ah, OK, you don't anyone giving you advice of breaking up.

So why create three threads recently to which the majority of people are going to suggest that this relationship is clearly not working for you, is making your MH worse, that this boyfriend may well be up to no good, and that leaving is probably for the best?

And continue creating more threads which will just continue to give you the same advice which you don't want! Or are you just going to keep going until you find one person who gives you the answer you do want?

If she lives 'on the other side of the world', wouldn't that explain her messaging/calling at 'strange times'?

You say that he is committed to you, but you seem to keep coming up with reasons to doubt the relationship. It sounds a bit as if you're the one who's not committed. And also that you're trying to change him into the sort of partner you really want. Or think you want.

Yes - therapy would be a good idea. I don't think the problem is his boundaries. It's your insecurities.