How the hell does anyone actually make it to Relate Counselling???

[SmiledWithTheRisingSun]

DH & I attended an assessment session about 6 weeks ago and they have only just come back to us with a time slot that's just not going to work.

We are juggling 2 jobs and kids & usually have stuff booked up at the weekends.

It seemed like a really good idea at the time but now I just feel like I've paid them £70 for nothing!

It's not like it's even cheap. How can they take 6 weeks to only be able to offer one bloody time slot - I actually feel like crying.

Sorry for the rant - just so frustrated.

Yup, waited three months for my appointment with Relate. Finally got it the week after my ex-wife finally asked me to leave. As she commented at the time, "Well that's one way to manage your waiting lists."

Same here. We had the first session and separated during the three months we waited for the second session.

It was worse than not having any counselling at all, because the first session opened up some wounds and got us thinking about things in a different way, but then...nothing.

And that was with us saying we'd take 'any day, any time'.

We don't have Relate where we are, but it would be worthwhile looking at other charities who may be able to help. A local one to me charges ona sliding scale based on income. You may even find a private counsellor at a better price.

There are lots of counsellors who offer couples/relationship counselling. Lots.

Look at the BACP website.

Also counselling directory website. There are fewer couples counsellors but if you put your postcode in you should get lots of choice.

As above ^^

Relate are a very mixed bag anyway, lots of their ‘counsellors’ aren’t properly trained and have just done a short course without even being proper counsellors/therapists.

Find someone on BACPs register who sees couples.

Relate are a charity so you may need to manage your expectations

Watching with interest.
I've contacted 2 counsellors today in an attempt to save my relationship.
I was considering relate, but it sounds l8ke it's best to give them a miss.

If you're willing to pay £70 then just get an ordinary couples therapist. Surely it can't be that hard. There are thousands of them out there.

Yeah, willing to pay.
No replies yet.

Don't even consider going with an abusive partner.

I reckon you can get it cheaper than £70, depends where you are really.

Try a private couples counsellor?

Or maybe see if you can move things around to attend if you really want to go to Relate?

We decided to try Relate as it's so well known & I am aware of people who it has worked for. I have no idea how to choose another type of counsellor - I don't want to discuss it with anyone else so can't really ask for recommendations. I don't reckon we'd get it cheaper where we live.

This is something we both want to do to improve things between us and for our family. The assessment felt like it would be something that could work - but the counsellor would be a different person obviously.

I realise they're a charity. We are not high earning people. But don't mind paying for it if it's helpful. To my mind it's better to do it whilst there's a chance it will work - and is surely cheaper than divorce

It just seems like an uphill battle to get an appointment slot and that is stressful in what is already a fairly relentless schedule of small children, work, everyone having a cold being grumpy, stressed etc.

It just felt like we were finally doing something constructive to make things more functional and even that is another slog. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess.

Relate was awful for us with our rather ancient counsellor telling me I had unreasonable expectations of DH for wanting him to pull his weight around the house. I can’t remember her exact words but the gist was that it was my role as a woman despite the fact that I worked FT too.

Not encouraging.

Is there anyone out there who has had a more positive experience?

I did individual counselling with Relate (about my relationship, but on my own) and it was helpful; I had a really good relationship with my counselor. There was a long waiting period, it was hard to schedule it in, and I was frustrated by the fact that the counselor told me when we finished that I could come back in for occasional "top up" sessions with her in the future, but when I called the office I was told I would have to go through assessment all over again instead.

However, H and I went to one disastrous couples session with a Relate counsellor together. We were not offered individual sessions at all, instead she assumed we should continue to be seen together even though IMO there were massive red flags indicating that couples counselling might not be appropriate. So I agree that it is a mixed bag.

Our Relate lady was awful. Really bad at her job - I've seen more compassion and understanding in my dog. I would as others have said look for someone properly qualified, not necessarily from Relate. Good luck.

Dh and I have been seeing a Relate counsellor in Brighton for quite a while; she's great, very clued-up and definitely not a 1950's type. No complaints here.

My experience with a partner who had fairly serious mental health issues was awful too. We only went to two or three sessions, and one I was crying in fear about leaving and going home with him, but her response basically was the session is over, you need to go, see you next week. In comparison we went to a counsellor found through BACP and she identified couples counselling was inappropriate and he needed serious assessment, where he was diagnosed bipolar. It's easy to find therapists through bacp or I think I've used the counselling directory too.

I have no idea how to choose another type of counsellor - I don't want to discuss it with anyone else so can't really ask for recommendations. I don't reckon we'd get it cheaper where we live.

Counsellors who work for charities generally have other placements.

I dunno, I live in a capital city and paid £30 at a charity and £40 with a private. The private was so much better but thats not because the other was a charity, its just simply down to the person.

Get googling for ones in your area and email them all!

Relate counsellors only receive £15 per appointment.

I did have a v good experience with a relate counsellor and would use them again apart from the fact that they're massively over subscribed.

Daunted by selecting a private counsellor...