sis is a narcissist?

[Choccywoccydoo10]

"Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by an extreme sense of self-worth. ... People with narcissistic personality disorder are not interested in the feelings of others - they lack empathy; they are unable to feel or appreciate feelings that are not their own"

This was taken from Google. The part where it talks about self worth got me because she feels like the world owes her something.

Don't get me wrong I love her. We can have a great time together but then there's another side to her. If you say one thing wrong that she doesn't like she gets in a mood. Will be confrontational. Not just to me but to other people. She doesn't like it if my DS isn't happy to see her ( he's 17 months). She is extremely jealous of my D'S and the attention he gets off our parents. I'm a single mum so my parents do help me more than her. She has a DP who she's been with long term so she has help from him.

She's fallen out with my parents. We are not too sure why but I think it's because my mum came over to drive me to the doctors because I couldnt drive. I have a car so go to visit DM. Sis sold her car but has a bike and can get the bus. We would go to hers but it's hard parking as permits only and her place isn't child friendly.

She no longer has a job. She told her manager she favours another girl. Undermined her boss etc. So they fired her. She must have had about 10 or more jobs in the past 3 years. Due to her arguing with people, being confrontational. Doesnt like authority.

I don't know what to do anyone. Does she sound like a narassist? Should I confront her? My mum is pretty upset atm, my sis has blocked her number but won't tell me why either.

Sorry for the rambling!

Ah sorry there were paragraphs in there! Silly talk app!!

Bump

I don't know anything about narcissists but she certainly sounds like hard work. How old is she?

Statistically she is most unlikely to have narcissistic personality disorder and even if she has, neither you nor anyone on the internet is qualified to diagnose her from a second hand account about how much she annoys your family.

And it doesn't matter. She doesn't need to have a certified psychological disorder for you to find her a pain in the arse and wash your hands of her. Whatever you need to do will be the same regardless of the labels you can or can't stick on her character.

She's 24 custard I'm older than her.

poor well it seems she has traits. I'm not trying to be horrible, I'm describing how she behaves. Like I said I love her we have a good time together alot of the time but this other side of her is quite damaging and causes alot of conflict in the family. I'm just trying to understand why she behaves this way.

I have recently decided that my friend has narcissistic traits. She clearly doesn't have NPD but the personality traits are there without doubt. I've known her for years and have struggled to put a name to it and have arrived at this. She's hard work.

Yea perhaps not NPD but there are alot of traits and it's got worse since my DS was born. She was very jealous of me when I was pregnant too. It's all just so draining. I feel stuck in the middle between my parents and her. Wish she would tell me what the problem is.

Well see this is the issue. NPD is a very new addition to the collection of mental illnesses/personality disorders and it isn't fully understood yet. Even psychologists do agree that the 'traits' of it are so common that almost everyone can be found to possess 'some' of them.

Your sister sounds like a right pain in the arse and you shouldn't feel you need a clinical diagnosis of anything to accept that and act accordingly. I'm not a psychologist but I don't think even a professional could rightfully diagnose someone with a serious, as yet not well researched personality disorder (those are quite serious - more so than just having some antisocial traits) based on an internet account from a family member about how jealous she is.

Statistically, it is far more likely she has depression or anxiety or BPD.

Perhaps she is a narcissist, but you won't get a reliable affirmative from internet accounts. And it really doesn't matter. The way you have to deal with it will be the same whatever label you slap on it.

I personally would let her know my door is always open and I love her, and not pursue it further than that. I also wouldn't get involved in the argument with your parents unless both she and your parents indicate they'd like you to...and even then, I'd use the influence to try to get them to see someone who's more removed from the situation and impartial.

poor I feel like your response is quite angry. When I ask for advice it's to see if anyone has been in a similar position and could offer constructive advice.
All I'm trying to do is understand her because it's getting worse.
Yes she does have anxiety and depression, as do I. But I don't think that can be used as an excuse to behave how she does because I don't.
She has been very nasty to me before and dispite that I still love her and want her and my parents to talk. But the way she's being is tough and I don't know what to do.

Right, I get this a lot on here....people telling me my responses are 'angry' or 'aggressive' or, on more than one occasion, I'm just practising my writing skills. I take that last one as a compliment when it happens.

I'm not angry at all as I have no dog in this race, but if I were, it would still be utterly irrelevant to the discussion. This is just how I sound when I write, sorry. If I really were such a great author, I'd be able to change it.

I do get a little irritated at the current vogue for diagnosing everyone with NPD because it's a serious, little understood and rare condition. There cannot be this many diagnosable narcissists in the world, so yeah, it's a bit annoying when people who have a highly charged relationship with someone think they can make a clinical diagnosis about them.

But as I keep saying, it doesn't matter. Your response to her will be the same whether or not she can have a certain label attached to her behaviour.

I personally think you've done all you can and if she won't accept your help you'll have to let her know your door is always open, but to stand back after that. Be supportive to your parents but I would be wary of becoming a mediator unless they're all happy with that...and even then I'd use the opportunity to guide them to a qualified, impartial professional.

That's what I think.

I agree with PoorYorick.
From your description, it doesn't sound like NPD although the term does get thrown around quite a lot especially on here. It doesn't make her less hard work or your feelings less valid though.
You and she might both have depression and anxiety, but you can't really compare how you both deal with it because you're different people and different personalities react in different ways, even with a similar upbringing.
She will have reasons for falling out with your parents which the rest of the family won't be aware of. The relationship I have with my parents is different to the one my siblings have with them.

Choccywoccydoo10 just to offer you an alternative perspective. I have been your sister. I distanced myself from my family and was understood as 'difficult' and 'unfriendly' but it was all because I was struggling with my own mental health and not dealing with it properly.

It's only when i started to talking to someone (a professional) that i suddenly realised what walls i had built up and how i wasn't dealing with my emotions properly. You say she has anxiety/depression - do you know if she is seeing someone to aid her through this difficult period?
the annoying thing about these illnesses are you can't force someone to get well - they've got to want to do it. So whilst you can let her know that you're there for her and that your'e worried, you can't force her into seeking help.

What would putting a label on it achieve? In some cases (probably not yours) diagnosing someone with MH issues is a way to just ostracise them - which won’t be helpful. Or get help/resources which will really need to come from your sister herself.

Will it make your mum feel less hurt that she’s being rejected by your sister’s mental illness rather than your sister herself? Either way I think it’s best to disengage while keeping a door open for her to get back in contact when she wants to. But beyond that not sure what you can personally do. Either you keep pandering to her illness/penchant for drama, or you draw a line and say you don’t need to put up woth this anymore. It’ll only get harder as your son grows up btw if his aunt keeps making unreasonable demands and is volatile in terms of rushing into and out of his life based on her whims and fancies.

I didn’t think PoorYorick’s post sounded aggressive in the slightest

I work in this field and yes NPD is still considered a rare diagnosis. Plus it often only gets dx when there is comorbidity as many people with it never present for mental health support (as its everyone else that’s the problem not them!)

Your sister does have some personality issues that are impacting on her life, whether she’d meet full criteria for a PD is unlikely and as op have said, irrelevant to how you deal with her.

When I was doing my reading up on it, there was a very definite statement which said that all of the traits must be consistently present to achieve a diagnosis. As PP said, not much is known about NPD because usually people diagnosed refuse to acknowledge that they are a personality disorder - such is the narcissism. It's a very severe disorder which is why I use phrases like 'traits of narcissism' for fear of branding my friend with a disorder she clearly doesn't have. For the record, I didn't think @PoorYorick was aggressive or angry in any way.

She takes anti depressants not sure if She's had counselling. I think she has. Sorry if I misunderstood you poor.

She finally responded to my dad's text. I was there when he received it. It was along the lines of "you favour her, up her arse, see her alot."
When in actual fact I go and visit my mum not the other way around. And I arranged to do stuff with sis last Friday. She was fine then. They left it as sis saying she won't be hearing from her in a while. My mum is really upset.

I feel angry because my mum sees me more as I work part time and have a D'S. My DM first grandchild. And so in no way is she favouring me. My sister tends to forget that my DM lent her money which I didn't know about until recently. I didn't cause a scene about it. I just can't understand her.

Sibling rivalry.

Your sister sounds an arse; there may be reasons for her behaviour, or maybe not, she might just be an arse.

If you're finding her challenging to be around, it might be best to limit your exposure. I can't see any value in you confronting her as per your OP. If she has narc traits, she's not likely to take anything on board that you say to her.

I'm a bit about your interpretation of the posts by PoorYorick. I didn't see any anger in there at all. Just straightforward, grounded advice.

Choccywoccydoo10 - she sounds like someone I knew a long time ago. Youngest of 4, the baby of the family. Spoilt as a child. Would get into a foul mood if she didn't get her own way. Married an older man at 18, just so she could leave her parents' house (this was in the 1970s!). Her DH was a kind man but she fell out with him and they got divorced. She then met someone else, another nice guy, married him, had a daughter with him but sadly she fell out with DH number 2 as well. Then she fell out with own her parents and siblings and denied them access to her DD. She never even bothered to attend her Mum and Dad's funerals ....
To this day she's still not on good terms with the other siblings.

I was also going to say you can be a spoilt madam younger sibling without being a narcissist.

Whatever your parents do won't be enough, so I think all they can do is let her come to them when she's suitably shamefaced. This might be a long time coming though.