Dreading another Christmas being single

[user293847923874972]

Not sure if this the right place but wasn't brave enough for AIBU. It's probably just Sunday night blues but feeling sorry for myself and a bit down.

I normally like it; Christmas songs, food, spending time with family etc but it definitely amplifies the 'alone-ness' and lack of my own family. I am in my mid-thirties, have been single for what feels like forever and never really had a long term relationship.

I won't be spending it alone I will be with my parents and siblings and their partners and children. While it's lovely to spend time with them and definitely better than being alone like I know some people will be it does make me feel a very obvious odd one out and like an old maiden aunt. And all the build up of decorating the house and stuff just feels pointless doing it alone for just me.

I recently went to a very close friends wedding and had mostly a lovely day but at one point just felt very alone and sad looking around at couples and felt upset and almost panicky (not alcohol induced!) am dreading a similar thing happening at Christmas and it's getting worse as I get older. Any tips for enjoying it?

You have my sympathies User, I felt like you when I was single and in my 20s/30s. We're fed a fantasy of a romantic Christmas with someone special and it can be disappointing to be single and reminded of what we could have. But I'm over all that these days and am both happy being single and happy celebrating Christmas exactly how I want. Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions because to get from where I was to where I am now was a process that just evolved over the years rather than me forcing a brave face on. Life got infinitely more relaxing once I'd decided I didn't want a boyfriend and I honestly preferred to spend Christmas day on my own, doing what I want when I want. So I suppose you have a few options; either get to the stage you don't care if you're the only single person in the group, or you stop thinking being single at Christmas is a negative thing, or you avoid being reminded that you're single at Xmas by boycotting it completely (which is what I did).

Thank you for your comments and I'm sorry that those in the same boat are also feeling like this but it is reassuring that I am not alone.

I almost feel like rather than moving towards acceptance of being single I’m going in the opposite direction and it’s becoming more of a problem. I’ve been alone for a long time and I am generally ok with it and quite independent it’s just that feeling of getting older and meeting someone feels more unlikely every year and I start to think that I will never have the family of my own and what others have.

I understand that it can be stressful with families and partners and that situation is also not always as rosey as it looks but as someone said, as much as your kids and partner may drive you mad, very few would swap it to be alone.

I’m similar holrosea with the camp bed - if there’s a full house then I am on the sofa. My family are close and I’m lucky for that but I do feel like the dynamic is a bit that because it’s just me I’m not as important - so I am expected to help a lot more while my siblings and their partners are not expected to (I do not mind helping of course, just that it is not expected of everyone) or sleep on the sofa, use the dodgy cutlery etc, all very petty but just constant little reminders that I am different.

I am also in the same boat. Xmas is all about family and kids - and yes it does suck when you are single, especially if you have been on your own for what feels like forever. It is not fun at all and it is ok to be a little sad.

I came across a really good video the other day on "feeling complete as a single person", I will try to retrieve it!

Found it - Tracee Ellis Ross (granted it is a Glamour video but it is a refreshing take on the single life)
video.glamour.com/watch/tracee-ellis-ross-is-living-for-herself

OP I feel your pain. I've really tried to come to terms with my situation but its heartbreaking. I feel like I have to smile and pretend everything is ok...it's not and I don't know if I can accept that this may be my future. A part of me feels like it is missing.
It looks like Christmas Day is already ruined due to circumstances beyond my control and I will spend New Years Eve alone again....I've always found that difficult.
I pray I can feel truly happy again but somehow I doubt it as a single person.
I appreciate there are bad relationships out there and I need to love myself. I've spent years being a social butterfly but when it boils down to it many of my friends are settled with families and I'm lucky if we meet up every few months...they don't have a clue about my situation they are just glad they weren't left behind.
Its human nature for many of us to want love from a special partner...it's sad that despite efforts many of us have to live without that.
I hope we all find what we're searching for in life.
I feel like I'm being punished but on the outside you could never tell lol...I'm always smiling as I don't want to depress others.

Go to boots or a health food shop and buy some Rescue Remedy, it really works for that panicky feeling you got at the wedding.

It is very difficult for a lot of people as it is a very "social" occasion.

Can sympathise with you OP bit in the same boat this year;-(

I was single for many years and know how you feel (& how it doesn't help when people in relationships diminish it by saying they have their problems....)
I don't really know what to say - I also thought it would never happen for me again but then met my DP mid 50s. It really is so random - its not you. I thought for a long time it was me but now find I'm pretty good at this relationship mularky :)
I always meant to volunteer at a shelter on Xmas day but never got it organised before they were overrun with volunteers already. I liked to go outside if weather good eg walk or tennis and get away from the tyranny of set meal - I made paella for me & DC

I’m similar holrosea with the camp bed - if there’s a full house then I am on the sofa. My family are close and I’m lucky for that but I do feel like the dynamic is a bit that because it’s just me I’m not as important - so I am expected to help a lot more while my siblings and their partners are not expected to (I do not mind helping of course, just that it is not expected of everyone) or sleep on the sofa, use the dodgy cutlery etc, all very petty but just constant little reminders that I am different.

I don't want to incite anyone but this makes me SO fucking angry!! And the campbed in the fucking attic

I'm in the same boat, Op. This is my second Christmas single and I feel a little apprehensive about it. I'm going to my family but they keep harping on about being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all but it's hard when they start announcing family/friends/colleagues who get engaged on Christmas day, which makes me feel inferior as I don't think I'm a great girlfriend because if I had been, my ex wouldn't have cheated on me or controlled me.

Not sure of the stats but plenty of people will be, me included. However, you never know what's round the corner, I've had two years where I've met men in December haven't lasted obviously

I understand you, op. I’ve been single for long and going through (unwanted) divorce at the moment. Mid thirties, no children.

I find the stories about horrible family Christmases, arguments etc. not helpful. One particular colleague of mind annoyed me by telling all about her oh so lazy husband, who doesn’t help on the day and just drinks beer, playing cards with the kids and in-laws. I asked her why she doesn’t leave him if he’s so horrible and she shut up.

I will be with my family but I level like the odd one out. I currently have no motivation to decorate my house just for myself.

It’s hard, op. I hear you.

Sorry for typos - phone being an idiot.

I have to be present buyer, house decorator, cook, cleaner and entertainer for my children

Trust me, there's plenty of married women who do all this too

I actually enjoy being single at xmas. This year my widowed mum and I will be having steak for Xmas dinner and facetiming my brother, sister in law and 2 small nephews.

I couldn't be doing with in laws and having to get a fancy pressie for my significant other.

This will be my first "divorced" Christmas and the kids are going to the ex-laws and the ex-twat-of-a-husband.

I shall have a lie in and talk to no one but the cat and the dog. Bliss!!! I no longer have to act "happy" with the dreaded out-laws who did my head in, open shite presents or put up with the moody ex husband whilst eating dry turkey and endless rounds of sickly trifle.

Singleton life rocks!!! Enjoy!