Is there a point in dating this man?

[NotSureThisIsWhatIWant]

i stated talking with this guy in OLD, met for a coffee, have been talking on the phone quite a bit since but we have not met again as he travels abroad lot. He rings me and sends photos from wherever he is, but in these long talks I have realised that:

• He is loaded, I'm not
• He has come to a point if his life when he has made enough money to semi retire, he is traveling so much as part of this early retirement. Meanwhile, I cannot travel much at all, as I have a child doing GCSEs and his school holidays fall mostly on dates when it is impossible for me to take time off work.

• He has a frail mother and he helps her by visiting for a few hours after work almost every day when he is in the country (I'm a bit dubious about that but he is from a different culture so this may as well be true). On my side, I have a child who is too old for a babysitter and two young to be left on his own, He lives with me 100% of the time so unless he is having a sleepover or is away camping, I do not have time on my own.

Is there any point in keeping talking with this guy,or any other, given my present citlrcumstances?

His sister and a cousin, they take turns. He says he is normally free by 8 on the days that is his turn. But he lives about a half an hour train ride from where I live. So far the one with less flexibility on weekdays is me.

I know he booked these trips long before he met me, as he mentioned about them before we met for the first time.

Now if he is going to continue with such pattern of trips, I see definitively no hope.

Personally I wouldn't dump him just for the reasons you have given. If he does not tick your boxes then fine, but if you do like him then I'd say meet him and find out more. If you are not convinced by his story when you meet him in person then of course, dump away.

Ultimately if he has more free time than you then he can work around you if he is keen enough. he may have some trips booked now but presumably as they run off it is up to the two of you if he books more.

After six weeks and if you've not met him for whatever reason then I'd give this one up. Don't invest any more emotional energy in this. If he was keen and vice versa you'd have met up. Just leave it now. Sending lots of photos doesn't mean anything... you need to see someone in real life. He could be anyone !!!

I have met him in real life. We went for a quick coffee and ended up spending 4 hours talking.

By the way, the reason why he is spending so much time in his visits is because his mother has just moved to a nursery home and was getting depressed, so they try to spend a good couple of hours with her to cheer her up. He thinks she is getting more settled and she won't need so much time in the future but again, whether this is true or not, I don't know.

So, to avoidcdrip feeding, we were messaging in OLD for 2 weeks, met for coffee. He invited me again a few days later, but I couldn't meet, the following week I was free but he was away, the last 2 weeks I have not been available when he is free. He has been ringing and messaging regularly since we met.

It is me who is less available... I am getting pretty convinced that I am going to end on my own...

I'm going to go against the grain here and say don't write it off - how old is your son?
If he's too old for a babysitter then he is old enough to stay by himself for a couple of hours in the evening while you go out for dinner. If he's doing GCsE's then it won't be all that long before he's ready for uni / college or a job etc and you'll be looking at an empty nest. If you like and fancy this guy then I would give it a chance (oh and google him if you haven't already 😉)

It just all feels like a lot of hard work to me, especially when you added the bit about living so far apart. I'd bin him. Don't ghost him though

So why on earth go for someone similar again! The first time didn't work maybe these attributes you are after actually make you incompatible

My opinion is meet him and go with your gut instincts they are so valuable when online dating but quite honestly don't be surprised if he is a no goer as I read somewhere that for every one woman there are several men and majority of these are no goers (i.e. Actually in relationships looking for a bit in the side, emotionally unavailable, looking for hookups, looking for ego boosts)... what I am saying is continue to 'see' him but insist on meeting within the next week... 6 weeks is not a long time though so don't get your hopes up

Surely if your son is GCSE age he is, or is very close to being, old enough to leave for an hour or two? Is he 14? 15?

I don't see the problem. The man is single and wealthy so is filling his life doing stuff he loves like travelling and visiting his mother.

You've got a child ready to do GCSEs do he's more than old enough to stay home on his own!

If you like him then see how it goes. You'll soon find out whether the mother exists as hell probably take you to visit her and if your relationship gets serious then he'll be too busy having fun with you to travel so much.

I don't see any harm in sitting down and voicing your concerns. Either you'll find a way to resolve them, he can answer for himself instead you joining up the dots and possibly getting it wrong and you can decide whether or not to move forward with any kind of relationship.

He may also be having doubts about you, if you're as unavailable as you say you are.

Well, if you feel you really have a lot in common, can you not approach the relationship more as a friendship? That way time together might not be as critical.

BTW, my DH and I met when we were living 600 miles apart. The first few months of our relationship was spent solely on the phone. In a way it did help us to get to know each other without distractions because all we could do was talk.

But neither of us had other responsibilities, like a child or ill parent. I think it's all going to be about having the same priorities and agreeing to make allowances for the other's responsibilities.

Ive got a daughter in final year of GCSEs and she has been self sufficient if I've wanted to go to a friends or the pub with hubby for a few years. Couldn't you meet him locally to yourself? He sounds like he's doing a lot of the chasing, you are the one with obstacles but come on, how insurmountable are they. If you have a good feeling about this, work at it, don't use your son as a barrier and excuse because believe me, he won't be with you for long and then you really will find out how alone you'll be. Please, if you want to further things with this man, just do it. Take a leap. Who knows it might just work out!
And if you are worried about your son being alone, ask him to get one of his friends over for a sleepover.

Thanks for your messages. I have come to the conclusion that there is something that there is not quite right. We really do not fit in each other’s lives or have much availability to make the space to “grow” a relationship.

He may be busy, he may be traveling but... there is something on his messages that makes me think that I’m on the back burner or that there is something fishy going on. So I am taking a step back from this.

I do appreciate however all your messages, as what was making me sad of this situation was looking at myself thinking I have finally found myself in a position when I cannot have a relationship. Your messages made me realise that is not the case, I can have a relationship, just not with this guy.

I'm perplexed by notthefordtype not getting the difficulty of being a lone parent

I’m perplexed too. I’m assuming she misunderstood my post or was drunk.