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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does my MIL hate me so much?!

4 replies

ZacharyZoo · 18/04/2007 17:37

The history my relationship with MIL is not a good one! When i met my DH she hated his ex partner, had caused them both untold problems for nearly 10 years. When she met me she really encouraged our relationship, and was perfectly normal until DH told her that we were buying a house together and she then decided that she wanted nothing to do with us. When we got married she went so ballistic that she demanded £25000 that she had invested in his business to be repaid within 4 weeks (we nearly had to sell our house to raise the money). She then proceeded to phone DH at work or turn up at work to see him but ignored me for 3 years. She became best friends with his ex and coluded with her to stop DH seeing his kids for 6 months, encouraging his ex to stop contact. Having said that she stopped DH's dad from seeing him for nearly 20 years so she has a good track record! Then all of a sudden about 2 years ago she had a conversation with DH to say that she regretted her behaviour and wanted to be part of our lives again. She never once apologised to me or explained her behaviour but just started coming around. When she comes over she never even makes a cup of coffee, expects to be waited on hand and foot. I have spent 2 years cooking dinners, making coffee, putting up with her getting pissed and collapsing on the sofa. Xmas 2005 i was pregnant, she drank 2 bottles of wine and was paraletic by 5.00pm! When DS was born in April she turned up in the labour room just as i was being rushed off to theatre to have my placenta removed, demanding to know why DH hadn't phoned her! I was very reluctant to leave DS with her but was talked into one night when he was about 3 months old. When we came home she was passed out on the sofa after drinking 2 bottles of wine, she never even heard us come in! Anyway the final straw happened a couple of weeks ago, MIL had asked me for my hairdressers number about a year ago and she had been going to her for this period of time. My hairdresser came to my house last week, very upset saying that she no longer wanted to do MIL's hair as every time she goes there, MIL is saying really nasty vicious stuff about me the whole time!! I cannot understand the sanity of the woman, she knows that i have been friends with my hairdresser for 13 years! I didn't ask what she had been saying, but it seems like it is enough for my hairdresser to never want to see her again! I am sooo angry! I am now at the stage where i never want to see her again, and i don;t want her to have any contact with DS either, she is vicious and dangerous, and i don't understand what i have done to deserve this when despite her appalling behaviour previously have always been respectful towards her. DH is going to talk to her and tell her that she has gone too far, and he doesn't intend to see her without me, so she is going to lose him and her grandson aswell. Do you think she needs help or should we just leave her to be a miserable old woman. She is single no other kids and very few friends. Any ideas i'm sure many of you have similar stories, i tell myself i will never be like this when i am a MIL!

OP posts:
scootermum · 18/04/2007 17:42

Good Lord!
She sounds completely barking and TBH like she has more than a little drink problem..
I think she does need help, but not from you-you've put up with plenty..Maybe your DH could ask her to go to her GP for referral for counselling or to the alcohol nurse service if they have one..I would keep out if it directly if I were you though as she will only blame you I would imagine as that seems her want..
I dont think I would want my kids with her till she sorted herself out-certainly not on their own..

Poor you and poor DH...

beckybrastraps · 18/04/2007 17:44

Well, you can't take it personally as she is clearly a fruitcake.

She must be very miserable.

Megglevache · 18/04/2007 17:45

Message withdrawn

ZacharyZoo · 18/04/2007 17:59

Thanks Megglevache, i will look up your experiences, you have hit the nail on the head, she doesn't have to like me but i am not being treated like a second class citizen, and DS is certainly not having that negative influence in his life. Need to suggest to DH that she gets some professional help. Got to go an do the hockey run with DD1 now. Will get back to this later, i am feeling better already!

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