Relationship

[weeflowilson76]

I've split up with my partner of 7 yes due to stress of a long hour job plus, he took a breakdown at work 2 weeks ago. He went to doctors and got help and said his work has destroyed him. It's also destroyed our family. I slipped my disk on my back one morning and was crawling on my hands and knees and he lay in bed and left me to struggle with our 3 kids, he also left for work and I had to keep my oldest off school to help me, as he was cracking up as he thought I would expect him to take a day off work which I never asked I kept my son off instead which I think was wrong. Same day he cracked up at work and starts shouting at staff and walks out. He agreed it was all too much for him and wanted to better our family lives as he's working 10 am till 9.00pm most days. He never gets time to himself or helps or wants to interact with the kids or me. We planned to get him a better job and out the blue he told me he's arranged to go back to work he's already contacted his boss, my heart sank as it's honestly been straining our lives. I was upset he went behind my back with this decision as it affects us all. On the day of his return he wanted me to drop him at the train station for work before I dropped kids at school, we were running late and he flipped out smashed up my house and made the kids all screaming and left with the car so I couldn't get the kids to school, I had to keep them off. He came home later that evening from work and starts on me again, plus our oldest son. We start arguing and he said he was going to deal with me outside !! So is that to beat me up ?? So obviously I said No Way !! He then head locked me and trying to choke me. My son was trying to phone the police and was so upset, he left our home taking the car and my kids had to stay off work another day. He then returned next morning with his mother ?? I didn't let him in, infact I went crazy shouting "you choked me" obviously neighbours could hear, he posted car keys thru the letter box and left. He left me with no funds a broken heart and a young family of 3. I've messaged his boss which he's quite friendly with anyway, that he's been discussing our personal business at work and that what he did to our house and me. He's already told his work I'm the reason he cracked up at work. I feel really bad I've told his work about his behaviour towards me, but I'm not having my kids school day ruined or see them that upset because of his work. Or make his behaviour my fault at work. I'm so lost.

Well, he seems to have left, so that's good.

You should talk to police about his violence, so they know to help if he returns.

You need to sort out benefits and so forth, are you working? Have you contacted CMS about maintenance from him? Do that straight away.

And you really need to stop keeping your kids off school!

Going to sort out money stuff in the morning. He left with the car and my kids school is 10 miles away from home plus no bank card he left with it all. I can't get the overwhelming guilt away for contacting his boss, I'm so angry that my kids were affected by his actions, he tells his family im to blame. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. My kids are suffering because of his selfish behaviour. I was doing fine myself for few days there until I woke up angry myself this morning and contacted his boss now I'm riddled with guilt. I don't want to involve his work. But he's allowed to talk about me and our family at work and blame me for his outbursts. Honestly had it. His family never see our children twice in one year this year they only live 15 minutes away but when we had this row there's his mum at the door that did enrage me. I live myself with no family of my own here so I'm stuck. Thanks again for your time and support xx

But you have the car back now? Insurance and log book in your name?

There’s a lot to unpack in this post but I suppose my two pence worth is:

1. don’t stress over what he is saying about you at his work. Nobody cares about it and nobody is likely to believe it 100% anyway.

2. don’t stress over what you said to his boss, you’ve done it now and it can’t be undone.

3. don’t do it again as it will make you look unreasonable and you’ll hate yourself.

4. don’t keep your kids off school.

The car is back now and my kids will be at school. They're not off ever, that's why I'm so upset. The car stuff should be ok. Your right it's done now with the boss, just angry at myself now for even bothering about it with his work. I will get myself back on track tomorrow with all, just a bit hard for me to face the world at the moment when I feel this low, but I've still got strength in me, just need to prioritise my needs and my children as l know we don't need this. Thanks for your time xx

Keeping the kids off of school is not such a big deal, especially after seeing their dad behave violently. I'm sure you all needed the emotional support.

I do think you should report him to the police and, possibly, get a restraining order to ensure he is not able to move back in.

I'd also inform the school about the separation and violence.

Long-term, perhaps, consider moving back near your parents for support.

Sorry to hear about all the shit you're going through.

Thanks Lifesabeatch, I really couldn't have sent the kids anyway that day they were very shaken. All my kids go to a very good educated school, I care deeply about there education, that's why I travel 10 miles every morning to give them a good start with life. They all have almost 100% attendance and I don't usually keep them off. I don't think he will return in a hurry as I think he will fear my brother being in to visit. I've not told my brother yet as he would not be happy. End if the day I will just need to motor on and try to get the coping plan in action 😵 and try get my head out of his ass and sort my own out. I'm going to talk to my children's school tomorrow and they will hopefully help keep the kids happy and distracted. I'm looking forward to tomorrow to get my routine back. I was going to buy a diary to help me thru my day with eating and activities which will help me thru this. I hope I can stick to it that's the problem, as depression can be like a thick cloud, he's managed to order himself a new bank card already just got the email, honestly leaves you with F all and still wants to keep it all. My kids will never be with out as long as there is breath still in me. I feel sad for them as he's disappointed them too. Tomorrow is a start to our way out of this mess. Thanks to you all for your advice. Plus I've got over the work thing now. Let him act fake infront of who ever he likes because his anger problem is his not mine and will follow him thru life.