Getting any man/woman/partner you want?

[ReallyPaddy]

Was talking to my friend yesterday. I was saying how I found it odd that some people decide on the sort of partner they want, go for it and, very often, succeed. I understand knowing what you want, I don’t understand how you make the person of your choice want you too! It’s like they have no say in the matter, and invariably for me, that’s not how relationships have worked.

Turns out my friend is one of those people! She said she’d never seen a man she wanted and not been successful. I did try and get to the bottom of how she did this - can’t help but feel it would be a very useful talent - but she wasn’t very specific!

So 2 questions:

1. What are other people’s thoughts on this?
2. How do you do it?!

Maybe there is something in it. I always go for men that like me back, and have had one bad relationship after another. Perhaps I should just be more focused about what I want, more selective. Now to find the perfect one...

Can't cope with deep throat gagging though

munkynutts - So in the end, she just got with this guy who is nice enough, and very kind, but not the most exciting person to be around or very good looking. He has a really steady job too and had never had a girlfriend.

I know someone like that, and she also managed to alienate him from his long-term close friends in the process. None of his old friends like her even though they've now been together and married for a long time. But hey, it's his life.

I must admit I was similar to your friend in that I was focussed on getting a man that suited what I wanted. So I'm not saying I thought I could get any man but I sure did have a plan and wouldn't settle for less but then again I wasn't totally bothered in having one as whilst a partner can be supportive they can also be a hinderance because when single you can please yourself.

I have been told I give off a bit of an ice maiden vibe, it's not intentional but men seem to love it. It always felt like I didn't need them and DH has always said that strong independent streak is what he likes.

I had some criteria for the type of man I wanted and was happy to stay single rather than lower my criteria. I wasn't trying to force any particular man to like me. I did some OLD and luckily met someone amazing who fits all the criterial. I was very clear to myself that the right man would be great but if not, I was happy to just be by msyelf.

My criteria weren't specifics like looks/money etc but general attributes like intelligence, empathy etc.

Well, I've never been actually turned down by a man I've dated so does that make me an amazing legendary being? I thought it was because I've only had a low number of relationships, always dated men I thought were within my league, come across as vaguely exotic/interesting due to being foreign, and have always got in first with the "no spark" line - and because, well, men are not really that picky at my age. Not to rain on your friend's parade or anything, but...

Yup nottheford has it 😂

I think some people who know exactly what they want and wouldn't compromise probably have the confidence and go-getting attitude to make it happen. It's part of who they fundamentally are and what they want from life, so they may well naturally project a confidence and a warmth towards the kind of person that want that makes them very attractive.

I am definitely not one of these people, and actually I don't think most people are. However I do know one friend who wanted to have a husband with a good enough job to let her be SAHM to multiple kids on a decent lifestyle, and for a while it looked like she'd never find the right man...then she did. Crucially she is very sure of herself and I think this makes her attractive (as well as her other good qualities) and her now-DH also wanted a family and was.more than happy for her to be SAHM.

There is actually a whole school of thought about this and a method. Like people actually go take courses on it and receive coaching (and pay a lot of money to do this). It's mostly gross, horrible, egotistical men. But basically they go to these weekend seminars to learn all these basically mind games to place to seduce anyone they want. I have a colleague who is writing a book on it (like a critical one, not in support of them, but she's studied their tactics). I think it's called seduction training. Here's an article: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/nov/23/class-pickup-artist-women-male-anxiety-julien-blanc

I'm not sure exactly if that's what you're friend is talking about. But apparently there are people out there who want to be able to seduce whoever they want and make sure of a game out of it (to then discard them later once they've gotten what they want out of them unfortunately). It's gross, but apparently there are people who believe in this stuff.

If you mean "The Game", the book by Neil whatsit makes interesting reading. He ran those courses but his book is not all about the positive side. But I'd understand "getting the partner you want" as something different - not just seducing someone in the short term.

I've heard its all about confidence. Probably how your friend portrays herself and that makes her attractive