I found messages on his phone joking about cheating on tinder etc. My heads all over

[Diamondgurl]

I've been with my now husband for 7 years and married for just over a year. At the start of our relationship he treated me very badly. I have no proof he actually cheated but he was messaging people on social media and texts. I had just come out of a long term relationship when I met him so I was vulnerable and took him back. This has always had a massive impact on our relationship as I have had trust issues with him to the point where I built a wall around me and wouldnt let him put a foot wrong and I would tell him as I didnt want to be made a mug of again. Things settled down and we had two children together and eventually got married. We've been arguing more than we've been getting along lately and I know I shouldn't of but I looked at his phone last night and found messages to a member of his family talking about tinder. My husband asked joking is that for one night stands to which the family member replied yeah I should get myself on to which my husband said so should I but knowing my luck I'd get caught at the other persons house and she'd start smashing my car up. The second message I found was between him and his friend who he went to school with and his best mate. In it he asked his mate could he remember such such from school. The friend replied yeah she was really good looking and my husband replied well she is in the yard at our son's school so must have a child there too he then said she's not amazing but she's still really good looking.
I haven't said a word yet. My gut instinct wants to chuck him out and tell him to shove his marriage but I don't know if I'm over reacting because he hasn't done anything. But then I want to punch his face in for how disrespectful he has been especially in our son's school yard eyeing women up. And who even jokes about cheating? Its never even entered my head before so therefore is an element of him wanting too cheat have a one night stand to joke about it? I've literally got a baby a few month old. I'm sitting here next to him, my hearts pounding and I just want to tell him I know what he's been saying as he's sitting like he's whiter than white.

What would you's do in my circumstances?

Any help or advice appreciated x

It's prob just male banter....I can understand your upset tho....

I would keep an eye on things but doesnt look like hes up to anything. Male banter.

Bollocks is it male banter. Raise your bar ladies.

Complete lack of respect op. Expresses desire to cheat, paints you as psychotic as the reason not to. Not humourous.

The bit about the girl from school on its own I would say was banter but in the context of how your relationship has been, previous cheating and online activity, it's not good is it.

I would say something. I don't think I'd be able not to say anything.

I would speak to him and go from there. If it's only been bravado then I'd read him the riot act.

Male banter

It's not male banter it's bloody disrespectful.

Male banter
Really? 🙄

I think that's called making excuses or else I'm out of touch and wrong to be amazed at what male banter covers these days

If the are talking the talk I'd be very careful!

Absolutely not male banter. Honestly do some women actually think this is acceptable? I feel sorry for you!

Nah not buying the 'banter' nonsense.

Given his history I would tread very carefully.

Oh dear, definitely male banter in my eyes too! Nothing wrong at all to talk about someone from the past and them being good looking.

I'm always joking how I love going to my spin class because the instructor is so good looking, it makes the session less painful. I do get pleasure looking at his gorgeous muscles. Would I run into his arms if he asked me out? OMG no, I'd be horrified. I love my DH deeply and think he is the most gorgeous man in the world, and only ever want to be intimate with him. It doesn't mean I can't comment or find someone else nice to the eye.

If you are arguing a lot, work on the issues.

Usually I would say male banter. Have none of you with your friends joked about men you fancy. My friendship group do. I had a conversation about a guy I used to go to school with and bumping into him on the school run how he was still hot and made the school run more fun. My friends would say similar, we are all in very happy relationships and would never cheat. That doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good looking man.
I can understand if he has cheated before you may see it differently but it isn’t much to go on to throw away your whole relationship.
I hope you sort it out.

I can't believe that these sort of texts messages OP describes are being taken in the same spirit as your very different musings about a fitness instructor or a hot bloke. It's not like he was sat in the pub just having a bit of crack and a joke it seems much more calculated and unkind to me.

The OP has talked about seeing a text where her husband bemoans not getting away with having an ilicit shag with some random online hookup and in the same breath bashing the OP as some sort of nut job what she's so if she found out.

Given the context and history of their relationship I don't see that this is harmless at all. It's certainly very hurtful at best cruel and undermining at worst.