Is it over?

[silenceisadistantmemory]

Been together five years. Have a 13 month old.

He just irritates me. Everything he does irritates me. He just seems to get in the way. Our sex life never really recovered after a traumatic birth and that doesn't bother me. It bothers him.

I realised the other day, that I just don't care about our relationship anymore. Tried to talk about all of this to DP but he just got all hurt and the conclusion was that I'm a horrible person. Gave up at that point.

He's a great Dad and a decent bloke, just have the horrible feeling that our relationship has run it's course. Though to be honest, I've yet to figure out how you have an adult relationship with a baby in the house. After DS goes to bed, it's an hour of housework followed by bed for me as he still wakes several times a night. DP does do some nights.

Anybody else feel like this? Just, meh.

My mum always said she knew when her marriage was over because she stopped caring.

How do you feel about other things in your life? Do you feel disconnected from lufe in general or just him?

*life

Just him.

My DS is my world, my job is ok though I'd rather stay home. I have friends and family and even a hobby (very occasionally these days ha ha!)

Just don't seem to have any relationship with DP anymore. It seems to have blown away while I wasn't looking.

Feels like a housemate back at uni. Odd.

Some questions to help you think:
Has he changed since you giving birth?
What is it specifically that is annoying you about him?
What was your relationship like before you got pregnant?

Feel very similar and I also have 15 month old son. My partner is a great dad so it's not that, I do feel resentment of the way most things fall to me without even a discussion I.e night wakings, childcare, cleaning etc.
It's more than that though, I don't find him attractive at all, he has put on so much weight and eats crap all the time, I find it disgusting sometimes. I put on weight after the baby however I've lost 2 stone and want to continue losing more.
Really unsure what to do, I don't want to give up and break up my family but I can't see how to get the love back?!
It's a really shit situation to be in

Not much help but if you are seriously considering ending the relationship, do it while DS is so young. It's harder as they get older.

But it's entirely possible this is a phase and the spark needs to be brought back (difficult after a traumatic birth and lack of interest) but the pressure to be a partner (and all it entails) doesn't help the way you feel right now, focussed as you are on your son and yourself, which are your priorities.

Bit of advice--don't do an hour housework per night. Such a waste of energy!!!! Used that time to sleep, chill, relax.

The other sign is if you are more concerned about the practicalities of your future and that is keeping you where you now, rather than missing what you have with him.

Are you doing anything to put a bit of effort it to try and get things back to how they were?

What you're experiencing is very common after a first baby. Exhaustion, lack of freedom, stress and pressure means that instead of being there for each other, each focus on themselves and their needs, stop listening to each other, both feel resentful that the other one is being selfish.

You can decide that all what you've built so far is not worth fighting the wave and growing as a couple and individuals from it, it's up to you. I do believe that too many young couple take the door way too easily as soon as things get tough but in the end, having to high expectation of their relationship, but only you can decide what is right for you and your baby.

How do you put effort in with no time or energy?