I've posted about this man before, so apologies if I'm repeating detail here, just don't want to dripfeed.
It's been nearly 2 months since me and ExP broke up. We have had a pretty tumultuous couple of months prior to the break up and then after. He messed up badly - he basically treated me like shit for the last few months. Anyway, friends, family, everyone, told me to cut him out of my life completely. I tried to do this, but in all honesty, I didn't really want the relationship to end. Aside from the shit couple of months at the end, he really was my best friend. He was supportive of MH problems, was with me whilst I was studying, made me laugh all the time, feel safe. I've had bad experiences in the last few years with sexual assaults/rape, so he made me feel really safe, and for me to trust him was a big step for me. That's probably why I found it so difficult to cut contact.
I suppose it didn't help either that he kept messaging and calling me saying the same things - that he missed me, that he was devastated, that he loved me, that he really cared about me, that he was going to struggle not to "make this right" and get back with me. In the end, it became quite annoying to hear all these things - HE was the one who broke it off. So, we began arguing when I called him out on it. I reduced contact, and so did he, but not completely and he would still tell me at least every 2 days that he missed me.
That lasted for about a week and a half until we bumped into each other at an event. We spent the whole time together, flirting and "acting like a couple" in the words of my friends. His friends actually got quite annoyed with him at this point (he was basically turning his back on them to spend time with me) and called him out of it. But he didn't stop. Anyway, at the end of the night we arranged to "catch up properly" over the next week.
Last night we went for a meal, I was pretty much just wanting to keep it light, to remove negativity and to just kind of move forward. Anyway, he brings up a lot of trouble that's going on with his family atm, pretty heavy stuff, and we talk it through. He then starts on about how he feels guilty about the situation he's put me in - that i had to move out of the flat, etc., and that there isn't a day that goes by where he doesn't "feel dread" because he's "made a massive mistake" of ending the relationship. This annoyed me a little bit. I tried to change topic. But he brings it up again - this time he says stuff like "i can't undo the bad things I did", "i have to live with the fact that i ruined an amazing relationship because i couldn't deal with my own problems", and "I can't give in to missing you because you're not going to want to get back with me are you?"
I excused myself from the table, when i came back i said i really dont want this type of conversation. he drops it. The restaurant is a 5 minute walk to his flat. He says he worries about me going home in the dark, and says that he wants me to stay. I'm not stupid - obviously I knew that by going back to his, we'd end up having sex. When we got back we cuddled for about 2 or so hours, before I said i was going to bed. We had sex - three times. Intimate, familiar sex, lots of kissing, eye contact, etc., - afterwards he held me for about an hour talking and laughing and apologising for his behaviour in the previous relationship. All fine. Well aware that he probably just wanted sex. I had a pretty poor night's sleep because he kept his arms round me, kept bringing me closer to him, and when i went the toilet he woke up and asked me where i was going (i think he thought i was leaving). Anyway, in the morning, we had sex again. He made me breakfast, we watched the TV holding hands, chatted and cuddled and kissed. He keeps saying how much this is all a "headfuck" for him and that he'll struggle when I leave. He walks me to the taxi outside, hugs me and says "literally, if there's anyway I can help you at all, please ask. I obviously really care about you and love you, all those feelings are still there. Any time, I'll be there. Money, living here (!), anything. Shutting you out and cutting you out my life was never the reason why I ended things". He kisses me on the cheek, and I go.
About an hour later he texts me "how are things?". EH?! I'd been gone an hour!!!! I don't really understand what's going on here. He's since sent me links to things related to my work, and said if i need more help contact him. I'm pretty certain everyone's going to say he's using me for sex, but I'm just not sure. His flatmate is my close friend - he says he hasn't been out at night at all, hasn't had anyone back and is just working on projects all the time. So i dont suspect there's another girl. and when we had sex we didnt use condoms - he didnt mention it - he's not the type of guy to sleep around whilst having unprotected sex either (OCD).
Anywaaay, just want some perspectives on this please as I'm going MAD. How do I play this? Obviously, I want to be with him, but i'm not sure that's what he wants (and i dont think its the right time - both of us are in therapy for MH)
Thank you for reading !!