How often do you have ‘date nights’

[ihavetogoshoppingnow]

DP and I have DS 4 and DD 6.5 months. We’ve not been out together alone for about 8 months. DS is having a sleepover at MILs tonight and I asked DP to ask her if she would have DD too (for a couple of hours not overnight) and we could go out for tea together. He said no, he’s taken DD with him to drop DS off and I’m at home seething I sound ridiculous but I’m so upset I don’t know why it’s hit such a nerve I feel like he just doesn’t give a shit. So to the original question of how often do you go out together without kids and who suggests/plans it?

Oh a bone of contention here! Hardly ever!

If they have one why not have the other? I feel your pain. I don't think I have been out properly for two years x

Did he give a reason? We try and have at least one evening a week where we spend some time together. My mum occasionally has our 3 yr old dd so we get to go out for drinks or (very occasionally) a meal. It's really important you get some time together. Try explaining to him about how you feel and how important it is to you.

2 years ago for our 15th wedding anniversary. One night in a local hotel. We regularly palm off one or two kids but very rarely all 3. It's not important to us but have friends who say it's important to them.
Perhaps chat to him and make some plans less short notice so it's all sorted and no excuses

I think she would have been happy to have both but he refused to ask. He tried to think of excuses but I think he just cba ‘We don’t have enough money to go out’ we do ‘DD will be tired and want to go to bed’ I said we could go early and he still didn’t want to. If it wasn’t for me moaning about it we wouldn’t have been out since DS was born. He prefers to stay in which I get, we’re both home birds but is it really that hard to go out for a meal 2/3 times a year!

We just have the one DD but we rarely have nights without her, only if the ILs are desperate for some time alone with her, or we need the childcare over school holidays (they are a couple of hours drive away).

I think we have actually gone out for a meal once while she has been away, and mostly we chatted about her

If we want time alone together for a wild an noisy shag DH 'comes home for lunch' when I am on a day off

About once a month we send the kids to a babysitter and have noisy sex followed by treat food at home. We don't tend to eat out.

Both sets of grandparents have been oddly anxious about taking two children at once though, particularly when the youngest was a baby. Could this be the case with your PIL?

She’s only 5 minutes down the road and has had them both before on her own a couple of times in the afternoon. She had twins when devil child my DP was 2 so I doubt there’s much she couldn’t handle 😂 ah well I’m refusing to cook and DP can’t even boil and egg so at least I’ll get a takeaway and I’m going to kick him every time DD wakes up in the night

Not often enough sadly. Were lucky we have sitter but there's always more pressing things to spend money on

DD is 15 months and we have been out to dinner without her once. We have willing babysitters in my parents but I'm just not that fussed about going out, I'm too bloody tired, DP and I are happy enough when she sleeps well in the evening and we can watch a film and eat a takeaway in peace! We have friends who have two little girls and they don't have anyone willing to take them both at once, it seems to be a common problem.

We do them pretty often and both suggest / plan them - nothing fancy although the cost does add up even if it's just something like cinema, glass of wine, taxi.

Until fairly recently, we'd not been out together just the 2 of us for around 3 years. I shit you not!! However things are changing slowly as my littlest is getting older and easier. We've a few dates in the pipeline. I'd say we go out once every 3-6 months now

But we regularly gang out together at home with treats and a movie I should add. We still have alone time but mostly at home. Sitters are an issue. Our dc are handfuls 🤣

Hang out not gang out lol

We are very lucky in that my parents asked if they could have our DD overnight every Friday and DD loves a sleepover! This has only been the arrangement for around 5 months, just before she turned 3. Before then I think we had 2 date nights and they were for weddings where children weren’t invited. Having said that we often went on date nights whilst my parents stayed in our house while DD slept, so they weren’t raucous nights but it meant we got a few hours to ourselves. And also we’re very lucky that our DD goes to bed around 18:00 so we usually have a lot of time in the evenings to ourselves anyway. I do think date nights are important.

I don’t think we’d keep the same arrangement if we had 2 children though, I would be hesitant to have my parents have both overnight but I wouldn’t mind asking them to have the baby for a few hours.

At the moment, I'd say we go out once every two months on average (sometimes every month, but then we can go like 3-4 months without finding the time). Our dd is 4 (baby is on the way). When she was little though, we went out maybe 2-3 times in 2 years. Since then, we have a babysitter who we try to book fairly regularly when we can, no family nearby to help. I plan and book the babysitter/dh books the table, so I tend to instigate it, but that's not because he doesn't genuinely want to go out. Actually, he'd love to go out more probably, but I'm just the one who keeps the joint diary and plans things for us. He would jump at the chance though so if we had family nearby, definitely he'd be dropping the baby off for a few hours as he's generally much more keen than me.

We have a 3 year old and a 9m old. We haven't been out in about 2 years, we really do need it too but grandparents don't like to babysit! We can't really afford to pay a babysitter and go out so we've just accepted it I think. X

Its really tough when the children are so small. What worked for us was trading off with another couple with similar aged children. One week they dropped theirs off at our house for a few hours, the next week we dropped ours off at their house. They were never late nights, so either dinner OR a movie, but it was enough to stay connected as a couple, and didn't cost a dime for child care.

You need to have a heart to heart with your DH and tell him what you want and need. With his mother so close, the only problem is that he has his head up his arse.

Never. We have a 6yo. No family around to have him. He is 'spirited' - ie full on, not naughty.

Hardly ever. I suggested we go out for a meal this weekend and he said we couldn't afford it (we have had a number of additional expenses this month, however a meal out isn't going to break the bank).

So I texted my friend and her and I are going out tonight instead. Not a date night but a night without children!

Three times a year.

Every single wkend. Drinks, meal with friends, long walks, takeaway and wine, nights away.... etc....
But am in the adult/ older teens camp so don't think I'm the demographic you're asking.

But seriously, it's really important for your relationship, to have fun together surely? Ask MIL yourself?

Only a few times since nearly 2 year old was born. She still doesn't sleep so I don't feel like we can palm her off on MIL often. We went to the theatre and stayed in a hotel last month. I'm 37 weeks pregnant so it's going to be a loooong time before our next date night. I'm not unhappy with the situation though, we still enjoy a takeaway and wine (when not pregnant) when DD is in bed, we go out for lunch with her quite often. Things will get easier when the kids are a bit older.

We live hundreds of miles away from family so we did some babysitting swaps with two lots of friends, we went out every 6 to 8 weeks.

DH also travelled extensively with work at that point and I mean he would be buggering off to a remote jungle somewhere. I only had to brave the odd trip to London. Our actual workplace cultures were very much free lunches and dinners.

I used to go out with women friends every three months, my gas bill nights out as I used to call them as they were once a quarter.

I do remember one NYE we built a racetrack in our sitting room and had races with two remote control cars. You have to make your own amusement if your at home and the kids are in bed.

The idea of a formal date night makes my soul cringe.

But we go out a lot.