why can I not leave?

[whyohwhycantI]

to the outside, I appear incredibly strong and tough and I think in many ways I am but then I am so weak and have no idea how to get my act together. I know I am in a shitty abusive relationship. I know he is a cunt. He is shouting abuse at me daily, also in front of the DC, in smashing doors. I have to do all the housework (we are both working, though I don't do full hours as both DC have SN, one is severely disabled). If he catches me at 8pm on the sofa with a brew, I get shouted down for being lazy, have to get up to do yet more housework. He kicks and punches me regularly. He refuses to look after the DC do I can see friends (haven't seen friends or been outfit more than 2 years and now I am so isolated that I haven't got any left). I have no family. Only child, mum passed away and dad is estranged, i.e. I have no soul.

I don't have access to the family finances, only my earnings and child benefit from which I have pay half of all expenses (I have no cent left by the end of the month, often overdrawn and unable to save anything).

I know it is shit, I know it is not right what he is doing, I know I would be so much better off without him but why can I not leave. The idea terrifies me. Partly due to DC. I know I wouldn't be able to look after them all on my own and hold down a job. I would have to give up work and life on benefits and lose the house. I don't want to go down this route, I don't want to do this to the DC.

I need to do this. I know I am being abused and manipulated. So why do I feel totally unable to leave?

Maybe google Stockholm Syndrome, unless you are already familiar with it? Have you thought about contacting Womens Aid? So much better when you go, and better for your children, but you know this.

You are unable to leave because he has made u feel like this. You are strong even if you dont feel it all the time. Look at what you achieve on a daily basis. Yes if u leave it will be hard you will be stressed over money and how to look after your dc but at least you will be able to relax for 5 mins without being yelled at. There are numerous charities who can help maybe contact one of them. For your own emotional state and wellbeing and for your kids you should at least look into it. Its scary i know but u can do it. Sorry for all u are going through you deserve better!! 💖

definitely not Stockholm syndrome

It's understandable as you are so mistreated and isolated, at the moment, you feel you can't do anything

Women's Aid and Citizens Advice can give you advice about how to deal with this and how to manage after you are on your own.

Getting information is the first step to deciding how you will cope and to actually doing something.

.

I know you say you 'don't want to do this to the DC' i.e. put them through an split and have to claim benefits, but what is being done to them in your current situation by your partner is way, way worse than that.

You know how awful your life is now. But depending how old you are you could have 50 more years of it. It won't get better now, it will only get worse, these things always do. Can you live like that? Forever?

Get help. Women's Aid are a good start but honestly, I know it seems like losing the house or claiming benefits is a terrible thing but I promise it's way better than what's happening to you now. So ok, you end up in temporary accommodation? Pretty bad, but you get your life and yourself and your freedom back. Think about that. For you and the DC.

Be careful though if you decide to leave, and get support. Even a friend I haven't seen in years I would be there for her in your situation, so would loads of people. Don't be scared or proud to reach out.