Ended it with partner

[Happyfoodie50]

I have been posting recently about my partner as I was getting more and more paranoid about our relationship. Despite him treating me badly I’m heartbroken. It had to be done though. So he came back after his conference and admitted he had been away with a female work colleague and it was all innocent and knew I would be annoyed so didn’t mention it blah blah . He then started bringing up everything negative that I had ever done over 10 years. Started getting angry. It then diffused and he apologised but then started going on that he felt he had no friends and started crying, really crying and told me to leave. Really weird. I made a coffee and tried to comfort him. I rarely see him cry- he’s early fifties. Told me to go. I then text saying hope he was ok? I’ve been with him 10 years , no reply from text and haven’t heard from him this morning. We don’t live together. Now I know I have to walk away. I know he cried to deflect the conversation where I was angry away so I ended feeling sorry for him. Feel really manipulated and realise that not having any contact since is a sign that he’s manipulating me again. May be it sounds hard but I’ve had so many situations like this where if I confront him about anything he turns it around. I’m not going to contact him and I’m not going back to such a dysfunctional relationship. Him crying has made me think he’s cheated on me , I don’t even think it was about having no friends as never bothered him before.

Yep you should have dumped him on the spot! Easy to say of course.

Well done on your resolve to stay away, definitely the right choice.

So sorry, Op, but you've done the right thing.

This is where actions speak louder than words. He talks the talk to my face and then really secretive behind my back. I didn’t feel safe or loved unless I confronted him and he would be lovely to me.I’ve been so worn down this last year. I find talking on here helps as my friends all want me to walk away. I have tried to end it before. We parted for 4 months and he came back saying he loved me and no one was like me and blah blah. He keeps saying about getting married next year.

Thank fuck for that OP. About bloody time. Do not weaken, do not let him back into your life.

If you come back on here EVER to say you've got back together but you're still feeling paranoid, I will come round your house and physically put you in my car, drive you to the far north of Scotland and imprison you in a cave cold turkey until your brain is finally clear of this wanker.

Thanks that’s made me laugh. You see even when I was writing it all down if I had read the same from someone else I would too say you need your head examined. He’s left me with some serious mental health issues all connected to him. I feel a fool. I’ve done it before and he comes crawling back but I see now that’s it’s all bollocks.

I think you are really strong and shatnerswig made me laugh too. Perhaps she could do a road trip, pick us all up that are trying to be strong and put us all in North Scotland for cold Turkey! Could be fun!!!

Maintain your resolve never to have this manipulative man who used you back in your life.

Enrol yourself on the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid; it may well help you as well move on and upwards away from this manipulative man.

Thanks looked and not in my area but enrolled on online course. I still haven’t had a reply from my text after got home last night. He was really crying, never seen him like that. Saying his life was shit and this and that. I made him a coffee and talked to him but he just said he was overtired and I should go. I really worried about him and hence the text. Fell for it thought he was sorry. I thought he would at least agree it was for the best or apologise for all the nasty things he threw at me. Said I didn’t do this and that, everything my fault and no radio silence . I feel shattered .

And now you can begin to heal

itsa Are you casting nasturtiums on my gender? I'll have you know I'm one of those male personages.

I do apologise shatner!

Happyfoodie it sounds to me like he's punishing you. I'm sure this is a pattern you've had before. He'll contact you no doubt when he's decided he's ready in usual fashion. You'll have to decide how to play it then and hopefully stick to your guns.

itsa Accepted!

And you're totally right about his behaviour. He's done this before, made the OP feel paranoid for a year. He's expecting her to come crawling back. More fool him. This time, the OP is made of sterner stuff. AREN'T YOU, OP???

I feel strong today. Can you believe I’m a nurse on a cancer ward. See awful things all the time but worn down by this clown. No doubt it will feel awful later during evening. Both kids at uni so probably felt abit lonely and put up with a lot of shit.

Off topic but I haven't had the pleasure of seeing nasturtiums cast for years.

I feel for you. Been where you are. Now take great care and look after you

Thanks I’ve rang a friend and we’re having a few Prosecco . I think my age doesn’t help , feel old and need to get my mojo back. Feel I’ve been through the wringer x

How's it going happyfoodie? Are you bearing up?

So when I last spoke I was going to keep myself busy so went to see sister. I have heard from him as he knows I will reply but haven’t so he’s turned really nasty now . This is his patten. He’ll act all hurt that I’ve found something out , get all upset and then turns nasty when I don’t respond. I usually give in but have had enough now and worn down.

Someone who respects you does not get nasty over an unanswered text message. He is showing you who he is and what he thinks of you.

Be strong.

How are things with you? Have you spoken or are you NC. I think no contact for 30 days is a good thing. It clears the air and stops you looking needy. My partner told me I was once and it’s stuck and then spent my time trying not to be. It sent me mad! They get used to you needing them andid they don’t respond let them go but once someone told me that if you have to do the NC thing it’s toxic anyway and should let it go.

Well done for finding something nice to do to distract you although I'm sure it's playing on your mind all the time. The pattern he is showing you needs to be broken and it sounds like you are ready to break it this time however hard that is. I have not contacted now for a couple of days. I agree that if you have to do this it shows that what's the point. Talking is a better way to resolve things but if that's not working and you feel you have to nc then it is probable that there's actually nothing worth saving. Still hurts like hell though.

OP I hope you don't cave this time and reply- thus starting the cycle of omissions, lies, more- than- likely cheating, and generally eroding your confidence again. This will destroy your self esteem. He's playing you like a puppet - cut the strings!