Why is he in jail?

[Gaolbird]

Complete namechange just in case of links.
A week or so ago ds came home from school and said his best friends dad was going to jail, but he hadn't done anything. It was because a girl had got mad at him. I didnt pry but tried to instill the idea that you dont generally go to jail in this country unless you actually had done something you shouldn't have.
His friend was round on a playdate this week, and his dad is indeed now in jail. Didnt ask for any details when it was mentioned as kid was embarrassed.
My ds and this child have had regular playdates at each other's house.
My q is, what type of offence is he likely to have committed? Im sure i saw him at school after i first heard he was going to jail, so he obv wasn't taken into custody immediately. I (fortunately) have no experience with the system, but the only thing i can think of is possible dv or property damage??
Would you still let your ds play at theirs, not knowing the full story? Im a bit wary tbh.

[Angelf1sh]

There’s really no way of knowing how serious the offence is just by the fact that he’s gone to prison, it’s the length of time he’s gone for that might give you an indication of the severity. The only thing you can safely infer is that it’s not something like a public order offence or most traffic offences as they aren’t imprisonable.

Based on the “angry girl” comment, I’d say it’s a DV/rape allegation from a former girlfriend but that’s pure speculation. If it is a sex offence then he’ll be on the register and possibly your child wouldn’t be allowed around there anyway when he’s out.

[ElephantsandTigers]

You shouldn't be asking the child about it anyway even if he wasn't embarrassed. .

[OlennasWimple]

This is a very odd thread

None of us can tell you why a random stranger is in jail. All any of us can say is that a five year sentence means that it was a relatively serious misdemeanour

[Disquieted1]

Weirdest thread on mumsnet.

Why is a random stranger in prison for an unknown amount of time? Outstaying an immigration visa, or fiddling an insurance claim, or making a false declaration on a mortgage application, or drunk driving or a zillion other things. No-one has a clue why this guy is in prison.

[RidingWindhorses]

She must have been really very angry for him to have got 5 years.

[Mustang27]

Where did five years come from? Did I miss something??

[BarryTheKestrel]

My (not so) DF got 4 years for possession with intent about 15 years ago. He didn't have a massive stash but enough to be a dealer. It could be drug related.

Whilst the angry lady comment raises flags on abuse of some kind, it could just be that a female reported/arrested/sentenced him.

[myrtleWilson]

no mention of 5 years that I can see?

[Gaolbird]

No, I've no idea where the 5 years came from, I certainly didn't say it!

While the title of this thread could have been clearer I suppose, I asked for possibilities based on the info I had. I'm not expecting anyone to give me a definitive reason as to exactly why this anonymous person is in jail.
And I've already said I'm not asking anyone in the know, so my discretion was not solely based on the kid being embarrassed. It's not my place to ask, but if it is something which could affect my child, I do believe I have a right to be told. However, this is probably unlikely to happen. Hence the reason for my q. I don't think it's odd to ask for other ppls knowledge of things you know nothing about! Mn would be a v quiet board if it were!
Thx to those ppl who are sharing their knowledge and experience.

[kmc1111]

With a young child, the 'angry girl' comment could mean all kinds of things. Maybe a female police officer came to their house, maybe he heard someone talking about a female judge or witness or lawyer, maybe he saw something about someone else going to jail for that reason and just thinks that's how it works now...I wouldn't make any assumptions about the nature of the crime based on that comment.

[NaughtyRed82]

Has your sons friend got same surname as his dad so can just mention something to your son about surname? Think I saw earlier about asking his friend? Unless you meant ask your son about surname. Just if sona friend has different surname and you start asking him what's his dads surname he's going to be wondering why on earth you're asking

[mindutopia]

I wouldn’t assume because he’s been out until recently that it wasn’t a serious crime. The family member I referenced earlier who went away for sexually assaulting a child was swanning around doing whatever, going on holidays, etc. until sentencing, even though it was a serious crime with a lot of aggravating circumstances (financial grooming, incest, etc.). I think being white and middle class frankly helped him though.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

I'm not sure that a young child would describe a police officer in uniform or a judge as a 'girl'. It absolutely sounds to me like he is repeating something an adult has said to him.

[FruitCider]

It could be anything. I work in a Cat B and look after men who have done things like not paying their tv license, non payment of court fine, begging, right up to murder, rape, sexual abuse of children or animals, drug dealing and ANYTHING in between.

[Gaolbird]

Scary! I doubt I'll find out, so best bet is to avoid!

[DontJustDoItBnQItInTheStore]

Why don't you just adopt a direct aproach and ask the child's mother?

You can do this in a very matter of fact way.

"My son mentioned a couple of times that X's father has been sent to jail. He said "a woman was angry at him". My son was concerned and upset about this and I wanted so explain it to him. Are you able to tell me the offence he was sentenced for because I want to reassure my son and avoid the children getting caught up in playground gossip."

She may tell you to fuck off and its none of your business but she may tell you.

It's better to be direct really rather than start fishing blind on the internet.

[HeckyPeck]

You might not want to ask the mum, but surely she's going to ask why you don't want play dates anymore? Will you make up an awkward lie?

[SleepingStandingUp]

If kids mom lives away with new partner and Dad is in jail, so kid now lives with Nan, why do you need to keep him away? I presume he previously lived with Dad so is no longer living in the house where something may or may not have happened


I assumed dv or sexual assault

[Gaolbird]

sleeping no, kid, dad, new partner and baby all live with (dad's?) parents in a large house, have done since we started playmates maybe 7/8 months ago.
hecky no, I don't think I'd ask, I can't see her telling me something like that based on the passing acquaintance we have. I won't lie if she asks, I'll just say DS prefers playing round ours. Which he does. Partly because they don't seem to provide after school snacks (which we do) and don't seem to be around to defuse kid arguments...

[SleepingStandingUp]

Still dont seems that he would be in danger there arm HOWEVER you said that he doesn't want to go there so that's all that matters

[cod]

God. There’s a lot of shit law experts on here.

He might be on licence. Might have a suspended sentence he’s breached.
Tv licences don’t normally cause custody. Failure to pay court fines for them does though.

[cod]

Begging ditto.

[FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats]

Sexual abuse lots of people get bail before court.

[FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats]

Also just to back you, any sensible parent would want to know what was going on so I have no idea why people are giving you a hard time except that is the way people seem to be these days on here. Always people ready to have a go no matter what the post is about. Very strange mentality. However if I was you I'd just continue doing what you are and supervised playdates at yours.

[CheeseyToast]

I've had this situation twice. A classmate of my then 5yo told the class at morning news that her dad was in prison and a few years later my son's friend announced that "my dad's in prison, he's a robber!"

With the first one, I didn't let my child go to their house once the dad was out of prison. I don't know what the crime was but in my view he wasn't someone I wanted around my child.

With the second child, his father is in prison long term and his mother is v young, v sweet and a fantastic mum. I really admire how she copes and am more than happy for the children to play together.