Why is he in jail?

[Gaolbird]

Complete namechange just in case of links.
A week or so ago ds came home from school and said his best friends dad was going to jail, but he hadn't done anything. It was because a girl had got mad at him. I didnt pry but tried to instill the idea that you dont generally go to jail in this country unless you actually had done something you shouldn't have.
His friend was round on a playdate this week, and his dad is indeed now in jail. Didnt ask for any details when it was mentioned as kid was embarrassed.
My ds and this child have had regular playdates at each other's house.
My q is, what type of offence is he likely to have committed? Im sure i saw him at school after i first heard he was going to jail, so he obv wasn't taken into custody immediately. I (fortunately) have no experience with the system, but the only thing i can think of is possible dv or property damage??
Would you still let your ds play at theirs, not knowing the full story? Im a bit wary tbh.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

I once had a kid in my class years ago whose dad ended up on remand for driving a van (he claimed unknowingly but who knows) with cannabis in it even though it wasn't his (which was the case). It was fairly staggering to me tbh especially as he didn't even a record. I always thought remand was for murderers and the like.

[tiktok]

Yes, petty criminals do go to jail - but it would be highly unusual for a first offender who had stolen a small item from a shop to get a custodial sentence, or for not paying their TV licence (previous poster). You end up in jail for petty offences if you have not paid the mountain (usually) of fines previously awarded against you, for not turning up to your probation or your community payback sentence, and/or if it is the latest offence in a huge long line of offences.

[GinnyWreckin]

Sounds like assault or GBh or rape, or a woman or a girl.

Custodial sentences aren’t given out like smarties.

Play dates at yours only is my advice.

Spread your Ds’s circle as well, as your son’s friend’s mum may get custody while his dad is in the lockup and he may move away.

[LIZS]

He may have had a conditional sentence or been on bail and breeched the conditions, especially if he was not supposed to contact someone or was excluded from an area due to antisocial behaviour.

[BarbaraofSevillle]

That's what I thought Brill. If the dad has been accused of rape or a similar offence, obviously people will be careful as to how this is explained to young DCs.

No-one can say what the man in question may have done. Sometimes people are remanded in custody and then found not guilty, so haven't necessarily committed a crime.

Or there are also a lot of people in prison for offences where it really does no good for people to go to jail. Like the example above of not paying a TV licence. I can't think of any other specific examples right not but I've read the books by Vicky Pryce and Jeffrey Archer about their times in prison and some of the crimes committed by fellow inmates that they describe - it's madness that they've been to prison for them.

Lives are destroyed, jobs are lost, families broken up and people who have never previously committed serious crimes end up mixing with violent criminals, drug dealers etc and sometimes turn to a life of crime rather than being rehabilitated.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

But your latest update, yes playdates at yours only especially as DS doesn't even want to go round there for some reason.

[NC4now]

Petty criminals only really go to jail when they have run out of chances, and repeat attempts at community rehabilitation have failed.
Yes, shoplifters get locked up, but not on their first offence. It’s the last straw in a long line of offending, usually.

[zippey]

What is the fathers name? I'll google it.

[Gaolbird]

zippey hang on, I'll just make sure im spelling it correctly, and get right back to you

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"A week or so ago ds came home from school and said his best friends dad was going to jail, but he hadn't done anything. It was because a girl had got mad at him."
Yes, I would want to know what he is in jail for, because it sounds as if the adults are spreading disinformation. Because a girl got mad at him? Bollocks to that. I wouldn't want my son being told that a man could go to prison for that - because it's plain not true. So why are the adults spouting this shit?

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

definately playdates at your house only. If your DC aren't happy about anything like that, best listen to them.

IF you can't remember the surname, then there's not much point googling.

[LurkingHusband]

^Search here: //www.thelawpages.com/court-cases/court-case-search.php?mode=1^

You need to register, which seems tricky.

[namechange2222]

OP I am not 'stupid' which implies learning difficulties.
Your OP didn't make it clear what you were concerned about.

Would you still let your ds play at theirs, not knowing the full story? Im a bit wary tbh.

Oh and I mentioned discrimination because rather than simply googling then coming to your own conclusion you felt the need to post on a public forum. From the limited information you have given my first thoughts would be DV, I'm sure yours were too

[KingLooieCatz]

What tiktok said.

You can't necessarily rely on someone to be honest with you about the reason they have been or are in prison. Very often they are in denial and they are not honest with themselves, and even when they acknowledge guilt, it is very common for people to justify and minimize their offences. I have spent more time with people in prison discussing their offences than I care to remember. You could spend a lifetime studying the psychology of denial.

To be remanded in custody it's likely the individual's circumstances have been taken into account as well as the offence itself. Someone who has previously breached trust (e.g. failed to attend probation appointments) gets increasingly likely to get remanded into custody the more they breach.

For minor offences it is unusual to get custody, but once someone has had numerous non-custodial penalties (supervision, unpaid work, fines, drug treatment testing orders) if they have ignored them all, eventually a judge will throw the book at them.

DB told me and DH (police) about a friend of a friend who was remanded for drink driving in a prison a long way from family. DH and I had to break it to DB that the friend must have a history of similar offences that he'd managed to keep from his wife. DB shocked.

I'm sure someone will come along with a cast iron example of someone doing 6 months inside for a first offence of not paying their TV license, but based on 17 years working in prisons, it is almost unheard of.

[Missonihoni]

What I'm trying to say is how is us telling you going to help non of us even know him we cannot tell you we can only speculate as can you unless you find it online or hear it from the family.

[Gaolbird]

From the limited information you have given my first thoughts would be DV, I'm sure yours were too
Yes, as I clearly stated in my OP. I also stated I can't google right now as I don't know his surname. And how is posting for anonymous advice discriminating against the child?

[slithytove]

Stupid doesn’t mean learning difficulties
Can mean lacking common sense or even applying the power of thought


Derailment over, as you were 😁

[Footle]

If you can't google search because you don't know his surname, why do you think zippey will be able to google it for you?

[Caroelle]

If you can’t find him online when you google his name, it may be because he cannot be identified. This is usually because a person has committed a sexual offence against a family member. However in my professional life I have come across cases where people who are going into police protection on release are not named, so don’t jump to conclusions.

[Caroelle]

Certain driving offences may result in a prison sentence for a first offence.

[Gaolbird]

missoni, I'm not having a go at you. I was asking for ideas of what he could be in for based on the limited information I have. As stated, I have practically no knowledge of what ppl would be put away for (but obviously not immediately following the offence), and some ppl are bound to have more info than me on likely scenarios.
As you can imagine I don't want DS anywhere near criminal activity which could potentially affect him, neither do I want to discriminate against his friend ( which I haven't done, he was still on a play date at ours this week). Equally, I don't want DS getting the idea that you are put in jail without doing anything wrong. (although I know there are lesser offenses and miscarriages of justice etc)
I understand it is speculation (the family is highly unlikely to tell me), but other ppl will have more informed opinions than myself. I think I was under the impression the range of offenses it could be was limited because of the fact he has been walking around for some time between knowing he would be going to jail and actually going. On reflection this is prob a naive idea, but as stated I don't really know how the system works in different situations.

[Gaolbird]

If you can't google search because you don't know his surname, why do you think zippey will be able to google it for you?
I was being sarcastic footle. Were you? Of course I'm not going to post anyone's name on here!

[GwenStaceyRocks]

I wouldn't put too much weight on the 'angry girl' comment. It could just as easily refer to the fact that it was a female judge who made the decision to send him to jail or that the prosecuting lawyer was female.
It could literally be anything at all.

[Gaolbird]

gwen... I'd not thought of that...

[Anniegetyourgun]

Or the owner of the shop he robbed!