Need to end it

[Racmactac]

I need to end my relationship for the sake of my children. I don’t want to go in to it, they are physically safe so no worries there.

They are not his kids, he lives with us and we have been together 5 years.
House in my sole name but he has done lot renovations to the house.

I need to tell him it’s over but I’m scared of arguments and dealing with the shit and stress.

He’s not going to take it very well and I’m dreading it.

well done, one day at a time and if he can't be reasonable tell him to leave, if he gets nasty/frightening call the police.

Thinking of you and so sorry. Do keep coming for support and hope all goes as well as can at such a hard time

He wasn't nasty or aggressive, he just left very upset.
I still love him and it hurts. Scared that I've done the wrong thing.

If it protects your children from emotional harm it’s always the right thing, hurtful as it may be stay strong OP

If you felt your children were at risk or suffering due to your relationship it will never be the wrong thing. You are a fantastic mother to have made such a hard choice, many don't. Your children may never thank you for it but you will always know you did right by them.

Be kind to yourself

5 days on and I feel dreadful. I never expected to feel so low, I love this man but I know we can't be together.

He has not put up a fight and still doesn't get it but I'm still thinking about all the good times we had and the amazing sex.

I don't know how I will get through this.

No-one knows how they are going to get through this kind of thing.
But we all do.
And we all come out the other side.
5 years you were together.
I will take some getting over.
You can't expect to be feeling great 5 days on.
Just look after yourself.
Try to eat.
Think about your kids.
Keep busy.
Change rooms around, clear out cupboards, batch cook, bake.
Anything to keep your mind active.
You will get there.
You know you've done the right thing.
Are your NC at the moment?
If you are still communicating it will just make things harder right now!

We are communicating but not much, he's not a bad person.
I should be at work but struggling to even get out of bed.

The trap many of us fall into is in judging our relationship by how it is in then good times. Then when those good times become a far lower proportion of time and the bad bits increase in time and escalate to being dreadful, we still try to console ourselves with how good it can be.

Relationship worth should be rated on how bad it gets and for howmuch if the time, not based on any residual good there might be.