Seperating. Really struggling.

[Sparrowlegs248]

It's my doing, I'm not happy at all. Long long back story . 2 small children.

Why s it still so hard? I've been OK. But today I'm a snivelling mess and could do with time to myself but have a baby and toddler to be happy for.

Some not so excited

Mines an odd one. There was emotional and sexual abuse. The end has been coming for a while. We have discussed it many times. He has had counselling.

He is the one that offcially ended it. As in said the words. He knew i couldnt have sex with him anymore. I wanted my own life away from him. But hadnt got quite to the point that i could say 'its done'.

I went out with friends. Got back and he said 'we want different things'. And we do. I agreed. He has tries checking its what i want and feel he has tried to inntiate a back track. But I am firm on it. Its done. Its over.

He has continued counselling and we are getting on ok. But its tense. I dont feel i can go out without upsetting him etc.

The positive is that he has taken on responsibility for whats led to this. Most of the time at least. I am concerned he is beginning to start believing his abuse wasnt that bad. I hope to be out before he comes to that realisation, fully.

Watching this with interest. Currently waiting for my house purchase to go thru... it's like waiting for Christmas quite literally...

We are getting on ok but it's watching him hurting so much that's getting to me. Making me sad and feel guilty. But also making me mad as we are in this situation due to his compleat refusal/ unableness to take any responsibility for his mental health/ behaviour/ alcoholism etc etc could go on for ages but it's the hardest thing Iv ever done.

Day to day things have been OK here. But anytime anything other than day to day living comes up, it's dreadful. He quickly reverts to controlling. I don't rhink he knows that he's doing it but the result is the same .

I am a little concerned you have invited him to see the DC at your home at any time...this could lead to him popping in at his convenience and continuing the nastiness to you - so you won't really be free of him and his EA.

He jointly owns the property so there's nothing I can do to stop him popping in. I just thought it might stop him complaining about not being able to see the children. But he didn't like the idea and is inherently lazy so it's unlikely that he will.

TThis is horrible. He's moved a load of stuff out and I'm just waiting for him to drop the children back home. Roll on 8.30 pm (hoping they'll both be asleep by then, it'll be just me and I can hopefully relax a bit)

If he is moving out then yes he still jointly owns it but he can't just be coming and going as he pleases... get finding out where you stand on that one.
You don't want to be living on eggshells. Until then doors locked with keys in back so you at least can have a shower in peace without him just being able to walk in unannounced .

As it stands he can come and go as he pleases.

He's gone. Both babies asleep.

I hope you start feeling better about things soon.

I've been trying to leave my DCs dad for years but can't quite manage it. I tell him it's over, then he bucks up his behaviour for a while so I end up thinking I must have been imagining the problems and agree to give things another go.

I hope to be as strong as you one day x

I mostly don't feel strong Gotta but thinking about it maybe I am a little it would have been easier to back down that's for sure (as you know by the sound of it)

What a horrendous day . And night. I'm ready exhausted with the baby and toddler and now a draining get day and no sleep. I can only think things are going to get worse before they get better.

Morning. How are you?

Better now it's daytime, thank you . I had a couple of middle of the night texts.

well done Notta , you are incredibly strong.

Hi Nottalotta. Well done so far, you are doing really well. We have exchanged messages before. When I first left I was in a fog for a few months, after 3 or 4 months things started to improve on that sense. Recently ex has finally started to seem in a beter place (I left in feb) and has started dating (a psychologist of all people). Its hard, really hard to leave when you have kids and have been together a while.

Start writing things down, all the little things, things you can do now you are not together, how you feel etc. It really helps. When you wobble you can look back. I exchange on a new house this week, I am in a much much better place than this time last year. Ex and I are spending xmas together, which I could not have imagined several months ago. The split is hard on everyone, make sure you try rest as much as possible and start reconnecting with life again.

Good luck

Thank you. HI pudding, yes your messages were helpful. It's a lonely process, friends and family are fed up with hearing my woes I think so it's nice to have someone who understands.

Will shortly be embarking on solo bedtime, wish me luck.......

Good luck! You totally have this.

You can get through this. We all can.

Good luck with bedtime! I'm in a similar situation I've actually been living separately for over a year but it was on a trial basis. Now it looks like it's going to be permanent and I'm in bits. Trying not to think too much beyond the day ahead or I go into a blind panic.

Toddler in bed. He was expecting his dad to be home. Our routine is quite strict, not because I really want it to be but obviously they have dinner then toddler usually wants to colour so he does that at the table so he's always sitting get there when husband gets home and then it's bath and bed. Hopefully he'll get the hang of the new routine quickly. Husband usually deals the the baby and had completyour ignored all of my suggestions so he's used to going to sleep either on the bottle or upright on his shoulder. So I've got some work to do with that!

You're doing amazingly, Notta, and you will get through this. These are the hardest days - I'm convinced of that. The problem is that we all have a happier future ahead of us - we just can't see it yet. We just have to hold our nerve. xx

I'd give a lot to be a year down the line, or at least out of the other side of all this. I had a few texts from husband today, starting at 3.58am . He's obviously hurting but I'm struggling on know how to respond. I'm trying not to get drawn in.

I meant to say thank you Claudia. I have quite a supportive family really but I think because I've "moaned" about him so much they think I'm OK.