Platonic relationship advice

[Halo247]

Hi All..... just looking for some advice. My husband was initially very affectionate and loving. He was an attentive lover and friend.

We’ve been married for only 3 years and it has gradually deteriorated in terms of anything that would identify it as a relationship. He is now really just a friend. We hardly have sex and when we do it feels like he’s doing it out of obligation, rather than because he really wants to.

We’re friends and I wouldn’t even really call him my best friend.

I am financially secure with him, live in a nice warm house with food on the table etc, and we have nice days out, and go out for dinner occasionally.

I am trying to focus on the positives but feel emotionally devastated that when I look at him I want to be intimate with him and he obviously doesn’t feel the same. What’s wrong with me..... feel like I’m the only woman in the world who has a man who is not interested in sex or intimacy.

I’ve spoken to him ability this but he insists that everything is ok and he does love me and fancy me.

Anyone else been through this? How did you cope and did it change/get better? Thanks xx

Hi, sorry to hear you’re going through this. Firstly have you noticed anything different about him eg more stressed - due to work, anxious etc? Does he have low self esteem? Has he been feeling low lately - could he be a little depressed. As this can make a person have low libedo. It can make you closed up and quiet, and feel like pushing the person away when all you really want is to hold them close. If no to all of these does he have friends he goes out with sometimes or is it just you two? Maybe you need to miss each other. Maybe you could have your hair done, or something to make him think wow (not saying he doesn’t already). Or maybe he needs pampering. Either way talking is the best thing, always talk. Maybe go for dinner or lunch and have a good drink and a good chat. There is nothing wrong with you so don’t beat yourself up but try and get him to open up and tell him how you feel.

Is he having an affair?

Was your sex life active for years prior to it dwindling?

I did wonder about him having an affair but I don’t think he is really. Although he has done a few things which are suspicious.

He’ll tell ‘white lies’ to avoid being in trouble and me thinking badly of him.

Sex life was amazing! Then we got married (I put in a little weight as had he ) and he just seems to have given up on it all! Just can’t be bothered ...... x

Thank you for your reply. I’ve tried taking to him LOADS but he really just doesn’t want to talk about it and it makes him withdraw more. After talking I will get some sex for a while, but it’s not intimacy it’s just sex and that’s not what I want/need. He was such an unselfish lover but now he is quite happy to sit back and let me do all the work (usually not always).

He has always been a little up and down mood wise but that’s not changed. I’ve been trying to accept the way things are and not moan in, but yesterday morning he kissed me, like really kissed me, and it made me realise just what I am missing out on and scared me a little. Made me sad.

I’ve tried pampering him and all the rest of
It but it just makes me feel a bit sad eventually as it’s not reciprocated. Can only give so much.

I think that my walls are now up.... x

If he kissed you like that he must want you, maybe there is a little something deeper. Has he had a bereavement or anything go wrong in the past year or so? Even like a promotion he applied for and didn’t get? Could be a confidence thing. Why don’t you suggest a night away? Or just book one and surprise him. If he is doing something behind your back and is lying to you, can you do some spying? If he says he’s working late can you turn up at his office and just say I’ve come to take you for a meal.....not that spying is the answer but if you’re getting frustrated and want answers it’s not fair on you to have the stress.