Would you tell your current dp about an affair from a previous relationship?

[namechanged225]

Obviously have name changed.

I was married for 10 years to my ex dh (who I have 2 children with.) I had been unhappy in my marriage for about a year (because he was becoming increasingly aggressive in attitude/arrogant etc) and in the build up to Christmas that year my dh was unbearable to live with and it was kind of becoming the beginning of the end for me. I turned 30 that December too and something was clicking in my mind that I didn’t want this anymore. So judge me if you want to but I stupidly started an affair with someone at work (who also knew my dh.)

The affair went on, meeting up (although limited due to me having dc) and eventually in May the following year I left my dh and moved out (we have always shared the dc equally.) Although I am glad I left my ex dh (because I was genuinely very unhappy) the relationship I ended up having with the other man turned into an emotionally/physically abusive one which was a year of absolute hell which I always say is my karma for being such a bitch. The whole thing was a complete mess and I wholeheartedly regret it all (with the other man.)

I have never admitted to my ex dh that the relationship with the other man started in the last few months of our marriage and always maintained the story that it started as we were splitting up (although I doubt he believes that) mainly to protect my dc I suppose (who were 6 and 8 when we split.) I just didn’t want my ex dh to say I had an affair to them when they are older.

It took me a long time to get over the trauma of the other mans emotional abuse and violence towards me.

Now I am with my dp who I have been with for a year. I have told him about the other man and we have spoken to great lengths about it all but I have again always maintained our relationship started as my marriage was ending. I’m scared to say it actually started 4 months before my marriage actually ended meaning it was an affair. I’m such a shit aren’t I but I think I should tell him.

[SaturdayNIghtAtTheMovies]

thing not think. FFS...

[CoyoteCafe]

Good for you, and good for him for taking it well. I hope things work out well between you.

If he EVER throws it in your face in a fight, run for the hills. I felt so guilty about something in my past that when a man brought it up when we were fighting about something else, I didn't see it for what it was -- emotional abuse. If your new man ever, ever tries to make you feel bad about it, see if for the red flag waving wildly that it is.

But I hope that doesn't happen. I hope that you have actually found a good man who is capable of a real relationship.