Hypothetical question really (well not really). Feeling in control and then lack of.

[Wtfdoicare]

Why is it when a new relationship starts and you feel entirely in control (ie, NSA or similar, no future in it) and enjoy it for what it is initially, then a few weeks or even months down the line you realise with horror that feelings have strongly developed and you have no control whatsoever, in fact were only kidding yourself that you ever had? And then heartbreak of course closely follows. Is it mainly females who need the emotional attachment, and how can one recover or learn from this experience?

Just been contemplating my past mistakes really! Has anyone got any similar experiences/wisdom?

Currently experiencing something similar. A long friendship has turned in to something more but without commitment. I have, stupidly, fallen for him completely and would marry him tomorrow. He doesn’t reciprocate - he’s very guarded actually and doesn’t hint to his feelings really.

I do know that we’ve both been attracted to each other for well over a decade, and he’s said some lovely things but is being quite cool now and so I’m having to back off.

Why couldn’t I have stayed cool and enjoyed the mind blowing sex?!

I actually think I’ve been in love with him the whole time I’ve known him, but circumstances kept us apart. Then, bam, we are physically brought together again. The fireworks have been amazing, addictive even. I’m definitely more in to him than he is me - I think

I think men are driven by sex and can control their feelings easily. Women don’t tend to hold back when they have feelings.

need I can totally empathise. Have you told him how you feel?

I tend to be on the other side of this, with blokes getting more emotionally invested than I do. So it’s not always the traditional gender split.

Nature drives us to be hooked. Your rational side needs to be overridden for a while to commit to such an expenditure of time and energy (sex-love-parenthood)

If love and reproduction were a rational endeavour none of us would be here.

After a while, you regain your senses so to speak and realise you were not your normal self.

You can look at your experiences in a positive light by focusing on the fact that eventually you come back to your senses.

Yes, it is a bugger when nature and hormones etc override your rational side. Coming back to my senses is definitely one of the few positive points to come out of this, but I can't help but feel negative and ashamed about how I got sucked in, possibly manipulated, and lost my rational thought.

Wtf I have told him, he doesn’t respond in anyway. If I say it when I see him it’s normally when we are cuddling and he continues to cuddle. If it’s by text then he just ignores that bit.

I am so confused and can’t help but think he must have feelings, we’ve had “as long as you never make me watch Coronation Street” type conversations which hint at longevity, but he’s needed to “think” a couple of times.

I’ve really backed off and haven’t messaged him at all today, but I did the same yesterday and buckled - I kept it friendly, nothing more. I’ve managed to get to about an hour later today..... came in here instead of texting him.

It’s difficult as I’m off sick at the moment and I’ve had him supporting me, emotionally, as I recover. I feel dreadfully lonely as I’ve been stuck at home for a number of weeks.

And it makes me angry that he’s probably ended it when I need him most

Yep need I had exactly that, you could have been me a few weeks ago. I was always quite open about how I felt but didn't get anything back. Now all over, but it is definitely for the best as there was no way either of us could commit. I find it hard now that so much "apparent caring" through multiple messages a day could just be dismissed. That is what has made a massive gap now - the sudden dropping of such frequent communication after a discussion to end things.

Yeah, the ending is definitely on his terms, and it’s been staggered, I’m still not entirely sure where I stand.

I think he wants to keep me as an option, so not dismissive of me, we have had a few fall-outs but he’s refusing to see me to talk it through - he’s working away atm and when he is in the area he’s too busy.

I need to stop contacting, I know I do, I’d tell me to stop. But I can’t, not easily anyway, I’m housebound for a few more weeks and may have to work from home for a few weeks too - it’s a lovely place when no one visits / rings. He’s been such a supportive friend throughout my recent medical issues (and some previous family issues).

I managed 3 days of no contact a few months ago, he then messaged me as normal!
I know if I message him he will reply, but I don’t want it to be me, I want him to notice I’m being quiet and to wonder why / miss me.

God I sound like a wet blanket

Should never have slept with a good friend..... should never have allowed myself to fall for him.... I wish he wasn’t my idea of perfect

Lonely place to be - not lovely

Yes, sounds like he's playing the message game. I also found it impossible not to be on high alert for my phone beeping, and it was very difficult/nigh impossible not to message back. Then I felt like it all was completely on his terms. Sorry to hear of your being unwell, is there anyone else who can support you? Try not to message if you can - think of the toll this is taking on you mentally, surely you'd rather be without the stress?