What do you think of dominant men?

[Daughterofanarc]

what do you think of men who are quite dominant and kind of masculine in a traditional sense? I'm not talking of some sort of neanderthal type. But I've almost always dated very middle-class men, most them wimps who could probably barely change a light bulb. I remember one of them sitting there watching me to struggle carry some boxes and hammer some nails and it didn't occur to him to help.

The guy I am seeing right now is the total opposite and I find it sooooo hot. He is quite old school in the sense that he thinks as a man he should always pick up the bill when we eat out etc. But the other day he suddenly just picked me up in his arms (and given that I'm 5ft 10 and he's no taller than that, I'm quite impressed) and carried me into the bedroom and I found that really hot. My super-feminist best mate is absolutely horrified by all of this lol

red flag if someone who doesn't know you, early dating, assumes sweeping you up this way is ok as some would be absolutely horrified, see above, so yes, definitely red flag.

if its early dating for you and he doesn't know you well enough to gauge that you would enjoy this he's well out of order, and look out for more red flags, you'd like this to drink, or that to eat, or he'll order for you and won't accept you paying for a meal, or refer to your money as pin money, etc.

I would love it. Confidence is a very attractive trait

agree Tinsel watched blush - guilty secret - a B&B comparing experience show recently, and i was surprised at the surprise of the other competitors because a huge ex pro rugby player showed such sensitivity?!?! How unfair and judgey-pants is that!

He seemed a pretty solid considerate family man who wasn't about to feel all emasculated by a strong woman.

I prefer confidence over dominance.

A guy who is dominant is just as insecure as a guy who is shy, he is just trying harder to hide it and I find it a little pathetic tbh.

I love that mine is very masculine. My ex was very metrosexual (and indeed, turned out to be gay) so I'm finding this tall, hairy big man incredibly sexy. We take turns paying for things, but I love that he is very strong, carries shopping, and opens doors, etc. I love that he makes me feel cherished, safe and protected. So he's not 'dominant' in the way I think you mean - we are very equal in that respect, but I'm very aware that he is very 'male'.

Being swept off my feet into the bedroom - hot, but not dominant.

Insisting on paying for everything? That would put me right off. I wouldn't find that hot at all.

Depends. Dominance doesn't always equal abuse of power, it can be more benign, and more about protection and nurturing. I can critique the wrong theoretical turn that feminism has taken, but I still subscribe to women's liberation, and I definitely do prefer dominant, and confident men.

I’m with you 100% OP.

I love a traditional ‘man’s man’ - I find dominance, confidence and masculinity extremely attractive.

I’ve dated so many quiet, geeky, bookish men and the raw attraction just wasn’t there. I’m quite a confident, assertive type so attract the quieter men sadly.

At the moment though I’m dating a really masculine man and it’s just amazing. He’s 6” taller than me with size 13 feet and has such confidence and a really sharp mind. Simply wonderful to behold!

Um, they don't really do it for me, but I don't think there's anything inherently wrong in a heterosexual woman liking a bit of dominance from a heterosexual man she is attracted to/dating/shagging.
(I like BDSM but I'm the dominant one). There's a difference, though, between sexy-dominance and being a misogynistic arsehole, and unfortunately sometimes the not-OK version can initially come across as the OK version so, like PP have said, try disagreeing and see what he does...

I’m married to a very manly man, tall broad shoulders, university rugby player.
Not intimidated by other men, very alpha male. Nice in many ways but totally out of touch with those who are not confident or super secure in who they are. It’s taken decades for him to acknowledge that there are people on the plant who are insecure or less fortunate. Very right and wrong black and white views.

Struggling to "hammer some nails"? I think your friend is probably more horrified by your lack of independence.

I like confidence and a take-charge attitude in a man, but only in the sense that I don't want to be someone's mother! (Except for my kids, obviously.) I like it when someone knows what they're doing/what they want, and goes about doing/getting it in a confident, not bullish, way.

That's not a masculine trait though. I'm the sort of person who looks at a situation, decides quickly what needs to be done and gets on with it, and I like that sort of attitude in others too, men and women.

Like "Okay, the kids need feeding, I'll sort something out." Not, "Do you want me to give the kids dinner? What should I give them? Is there a recipe?"

I like men who open doors and carry boxes for the simple reason that I like people who are conscious of those around them, and who automatically do little things that make other people's lives a bit more pleasant.

And I like people who aren't intimidated by basic household tasks even if they haven't attempted them before (honestly, how hard is it to change a lightbulb?! My fanjo would dry right up if a man looked at me helplessly when a bulb flickered out).

OH is similar and I love it. Refreshing change from the nitpicking wimps I dated for a few years. It suits me and Im happy. Good for you OP

Laughing at vwlphb’s comment ...

And I like people who aren't intimidated by basic household tasks even if they haven't attempted them before (honestly, how hard is it to change a lightbulb?! My fanjo would dry right up if a man looked at me helplessly when a bulb flickered out).

Would you describe a middle class woman who couldn't change a light bulb or hammer in nails as a "wimp"? Thought not.

well tbh I'd expect them to try! It gets easier with practice. Not impressed with someone who won't even try

I have always been drawn to men who can hold their own. Who aren’t a push-over.

BUT this is not dominance, this is possessing confidence, self-respect and knowing one’s worth.

I could not love or respect a man who would let me walk all over him.

Dominance = overpowering. It is not a good thing in a man or woman. It is bullying your partner into things they don’t want to do or forcing them perform stuff they do not enjoy. I couldn’t see any dominance in the OP. Being strong is not the same as crushing somebody.

You may be confusing dominance and confidence.

Many men hide their lack of confidence by doing things that appear to be "dominant". Usually the smallest dogs are the ones who bark loudest.

Confident men do not need to do this.

dominant...eeeuugh! run

... so dominance aside, sharing control means being sure your partner is happy with certain 'moves' whatever they may be surely? Not overstepping assumptions, or taking it to all areas of life without negotiation, or consequences for not getting 'it right' somehow.

putting your back out may be a risk ha ha! age huh!