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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separated this morning

12 replies

LillyPillly · 22/11/2017 12:58

Basically just a huge sigh of relief.

I have posted here under various different names and always had a resounding response telling me to break up with my controlling and abusive husband. It has been 10 years of my confidence being whittled away by a narcissistic bully. We have 3 children, 5,4 and 1.

My youngest 2 are both autistic and very hard work, but he has never lifted a finger to help me or them so I feel as though we will be fine in that sense, he is just going to be a massive asshole with money.

He has a huge salary and drained our accounts when I told him I wanted to separate. He said he will find out a way to pay the bare minimum in child support too. We own 2 houses so at least my name is on them 50% and will get 50% of the profits of those. Im so over it I don't even care that much about the rest of the money. He said he would give me 50% of the stuff he took after he had sorted out mortgages and insurances etc so hopefully he does....

Anyway, thanks for reading!! :)

OP posts:
Swizzlesticks23 · 22/11/2017 12:59

Well done Flowers

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 22/11/2017 13:18

Well done! But get legal advice pronto! BrewCakeFlowers

LillyPillly · 22/11/2017 13:31

I will. Thank you x

OP posts:
Lissette · 22/11/2017 13:33

Lilly well done to you. I wish you every happiness. Flowers

MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/11/2017 13:38

Well done. It sounds as though your life will be much better without him in it.

Don't assume you'll only get 50% if you are caring for the three children. It doesn't sound as though he's going to want a 50-50 split. Try to buy in some help with cleaning etc to make your life a bit easier.

Get evidence of him transferring joint funds to his own account today. Also get all evidence of his salary, pension, savings, etc. He'll be trying to hide those.

Flowers No matter how much you want it, it's always a difficult thing to do.

LillyPillly · 22/11/2017 13:42

I have seen a lawyer and she said I would probably get 65-70% of our assets, but as he is a total jerk I know he would make my life hell if I asked for that so i figured for a peaceful life I would just take 50%. I forgot about superannuation though, so thanks for reminding me about that.

I doubt he will even see the kids once a week. My youngest are autistic so he will probably never have them by himself. He has already said he wants to take our eldest child on holiday in December, but I'm really not comfortable with that so need to work out how to approach it.

OP posts:
Angrybird123 · 22/11/2017 14:12

Do not just accept 50/50 for a quiet life. Your staying at home and parenting has enabled him to earn his huge salary and it sounds like you will be limited in your employment options for some considerable time. Have the courage to stand up for what you realistically need to care for the children adequately - you don't have to engage with him at all..it can all be done via solicitors letters.

nornironlady · 22/11/2017 14:29

Yes well done OP - so brave. I wish you all the best. You will need to support yourself and the children, do consider contacting Child Maintenance Service - it may take a half hour to give the information/make application but if things work out with your EXOH you can withdraw it at anytime. As an ex-employee I am fully aware it's not for everyone but worth looking into - they have an options/choices service you can speak to first before deciding on whether to continue to a full application.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/11/2017 14:48

Don't accept a lower sum for a quieter life. You won't get a quieter life anyway. Let your lawyer get what's fair. You will be the sole carer for three children and you need more money than he does.

user1497997754 · 22/11/2017 15:05

Don't settle for 50% he will without you and the children be having the life of a single man with no responsibilities. You however will be the sole parent really bringing up your children...YOU deserve so much more than that....just because he has worn you down you just want the financial situation sorted ASAP and he will be banking on that. PLEASE let your solicitor do their job and don't get emotionally involved with the financial side of things they will get you the best settlement possible. He may meet someone else and do you want him to be spending what is yours and children's money on her and possibly her children. Stand up for yourself and children they depend on you for their financial stability. I am only speaking through experience and I only wish someone had given me this advice when in a similar situation. keep strong and take good care I am pleased you are away from him.

yetmorecrap · 22/11/2017 15:13

Crikey, he sounds a catch!! What an arse

notapizzaeater · 22/11/2017 15:41

Bugger accepting the lower amount - you are entitled to more and if he’s going to stitch you up with cams you need every penny you can get for yourself and the kids.

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