How to deal with this?

[Littlelambpeep]

Name changed. My relationship with dm hasn't really been good since my teens. Clash of personalities. She was a good mother in ways (clean, good food) but very moody, had tempered. Not supportive / quick to fly off the handle. I was shy and kept my head down for most of my teens. One time I came back from a day at the library and she screamed and shouted that I had been drinking. I was crying so bad dad too me for a drive and told me to go to uni and I will be away from her soon. At a party for my birthday she took ms aside and shouted why had I friends. She told people I had no friends and made a fools of her.

I went to uni in Scotland and got away.

Sorry. Pressed too soon. Started my own life but eventually came home. The criticism has always stayed. She spoils all big events. Anyway, she said I became selfish when I married as I didn't go and visit or clean for her. I recently stopped going to see her. She has never contacted me. Not once. She said to me a year ago that I should be ashamed of how I treat her. I don't even know what I have done. I don't miss her. Its awful. Christmas is coming. What do I do?

Nothing. If you feel your life is full without her.

Does she bring you any happiness?

Go no contact. Your mother has left you no option, asking you why you had friends? Why was she telling people you had none!

Are your parents still together, if so how does your father deal with her behaviour. Congratulations on getting out and building your own life.

Block her and don't respond. She adds nothing to your life.

Sorry just read the op again you are already no, do nothing. Precisely nothing, you don't miss her. I think sometimes we have it ingrained in us by society that we must love and have relationships with our parents. If your parent is an arse hole then why should you?

Sorry for typos. Dad was very supportive when younger but totally supports her now. He often used to ring me and joined in with her - basically that I should do more for my mother (cleaning etc. At that stage I was single and used to visit twice a week and did an hours housework). DM doesn't work. Never did. Lazy really but dad didn't know she used to lie on the sofa watching films and we would bring the ironing basket to a neighbour she paid.

Walked to school on our own from a very young age (rough part of town. Major road)

Anyway that was years ago. Since then, she has been OK once I have just visited and let her moan/give orders. Once I met dh (early thirties) and married (two small DC) she told dh I wasnt a good person.

She tries to sabotage things. Buying our home. Long story. Dh stood up for me and she got my father to shout and put him 'I'm his place'. As soon as I walk in the door 'why are you wearing THAT'. You used to look young for your age,state of you now .. Type of thing. No, she brings me no happiness.

I have a successful career / high earner and did well. Recently promoted and rang her - she didn't even tell my father.

She is jealous of you....

She only sees you as someone to put down and do her housework. Your father is enabling her.

I would keep this woman away from my life and my DCs life.

It diesn't sound like there's anything nice about her.

My sibling over abroad but is in regular contact so he is well liked/other sibling went though marriage break up and I feel it was due to the interference from DM/negativity.

Just cut her out.No other advice really, enjoy your life with your family. Your mother has issues and until she sorts them out (which may be never) you need to pretend she doesn't exist.

I know she isn't well. Very unstable. Cries all the time. But lashing out at me day in &day out is doing my mental health no good. Types of things she does is ring me and say she went for counseling and he told her to write a letter and she brought it down and read it to me - because he told her. That she was I'll because of me and then listed my faults.

No counsellor would do that. Pure lies.

Ill