Emotional Abuse and how to cope

[FrustrationNation]

Hi,

I asked before about my husband, he is emotionally abusive and controlling, won't leave the house. I have been advised by women's aid that it would be hard to get an emergency occupation order, but that I can apply for Legal Aid, and then apply for an occupation order which I am doing.

The things he is saying are awful, and are having a real impact on our children. Not just nasty, but actually insane (I'm on drugs, I'm having a breakdown etc when he knows that isn't me). The question is, can I report this to the police? Will they do anything? I'm getting worn down and tired out. It's been weeks since I said I wanted to separate, I've tried all manner of things to get him out and he just won't so I'm now waiting for the Legal Aid to come through.

Any other tips on getting through this? He's so insistent it's all my fault, I almost start to believe it...

I am so sorry

I can't type this loud enough - IT IS CERTAINLY NOT YOUR FAULT

You are doing all the right things and being very brave. Have you tried phoning CAB to see if they have any different ideas to women's aid?

I have no personal advice I'm afraid, but as I'm about to go through a divorce due to emotional abuse from my mil that my 'd'h has enabled, I have a little understanding of what you're going through. Mumsnet has been invaluable to me at the moment. We are all here to support you and I'm sure someone with more practical advice will be along shortly.

Stay strong

Thanks, it was actually citizens advice that put me in touch with the rather amazing solicitor. Just had to gather some paperwork to get things going. I feel like I'm going mad though, it's so hard living like this.

Sorry to hear your situation is similar, I hope it improves soon!

Anyone got any ideas? Feel totally beaten and useless

Do you interact with him?
Do things for him?
when he starts on you can you walk away?
Leave the house for half hour?
You need to really detach detach detach.
Do you have people around you who you could visit when he kicks off?
And yes, call 101 and ask for the DV team and talk it through with them.
What is your housing situation?
Renting? Under who's name?
Mortgaged in both your names??

We've got a joint tenancy and the solicitor is going to try an occupation order. I'm doing nothing for him, although that's apparently me being petty.

I'm trying hard to detach but whenever I leave the house, if my kids are awake he starts telling them it's because I don't love them. He just corners me and goes on and on. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I will call the police later for advice. I've got an outreach worker from the local women's centre but she's off this week and I don't want to go through it over and over. Thanks for answering I feel so lost

I'm sorry. I don't really have advice as I'm living in a similar situation (mine is not quite as blatant as yours, though). Definitely call the police just to ask for advice.

I wonder if it would help to document (via email so you have it written down) every time he does the "telling the kids you don't love them" etc. stuff--he is trying to alienate them from you and at the very least it will be upsetting to them to hear it and detrimental to their well-being. Maybe police/DV/solicitor can advise if this would be a helpful thing and how to go about it, e.g. maybe an email the next day pointing out what he did and "as you are aware this will have a detrimental affect on the wellbeing of our children, please refrain from making these comments in the future"?

Cornering you and blocking your exit it illegal.
Keep your phone on you at all times and call 999 if he does this again.
Definitely call 101 and get put on their priority list so when you dial 999 you don't have to say anything and they will be there fast.

OK I didn't know that, I'll definitely call. I've just been so frightened they'd not believe me and talk to him so make it worse. Thanks everyone for the advice. Sorry you're going through this too Krispy, it's shit isn't it?

it is shit. Reach out for support where you can, he will keep trying to blame you and make you feel like an awful person like mine does. it is hard not to internalize that stuff.

Keep going and you will be free someday--glimmer of hope from mine who has suddenly decided that he is going to move out. Not sure I believe it but we'll see. Hope you can get yours out soon.