Am a total and utter mug

[Thisnamechanger]

I'm normally good at not taking shit off people (at work for example) but my god the past few weeks have made me realise what a fool I can be.

My best friend is amazing but also ludicrously clueless and can be very self-centred.

He has lived with me for the past few years and been consistently slack about picking up his bills or picking up a scouring pad but I've just got used to it because he's a chaotic person and was doing me a favour by taking the room (and to credit him he was incredibly supportive and lovely when I was going through a tough time).

6 weeks ago he accepted a job in Germany and has left about 50% of his possessions in what was his room in my flat. If it had been neatly stacked in boxes and I had every assurance it would be moved by someone that isn't me by the end of the month that his Mum has paid the rent for (November) that'd be something but it's all kinds of clothes and assorted rubbish crammed into those giant cheap laundry bags which fall apart the second you pick them up, a whole under-bed cupboard of not packed assorted crap and loads of cheap furniture which needed taking apart and taking to the tip. He hadn't even stripped the bed, done his dirty laundry or emptied his bin and there's a layer of dust on everything. It looks way too much of a shit hole for anyone to want to rent it.

DP and me have disposed of the furniture and bagged up the crap.

I feel taken advantage of. If he'd had to leave in a hurry for some emergency that'd be different but he had six weeks to do his packing and as far as I can work out he just quit his job then sat on his arse watching TV and playing video games.

He's such a dear friend that I feel hurt rather than just annoyed/inconvenienced. As he was running out the door on Saturday he said that his Mum (who has a habit of sorting out his life for him and paying for him) would send someone round with a van to collect the rest at some point. She's not replying to me and I'm not talking to him because I'm too angry.

Feels completley ridiculous to be chasing a 30 year old man's mother about moving his shit out of my house.

How long would people leave it before throwing it all in a skip??

Thanks in advance - feel fed up and a total idiot.

I would send messages to both him and his mum saying that if you don't hear within 7 days then you will dispose of the lot. (Might not be legal, but should get a response).

I'm not sure why you regard this person as a dear friend though.

Well he's done a good number on you and his mum - does he intend to go through his whole life with women picking up his shit for him? Has he got another lined up in Germany as well?

I would have your DH send him notice by letter (albeit I would email it) that the room will be emptied of his stuff at the end of November, on the last day covered by his rent.

I echo the pp. Get shot of his stuff. He doesn't care about it, why should you?

Tell him you are sending it over in a taxi with the instruction to the driver that he’ll get paid on arrival.

Or give them one more week to contact you before it goes to the tip.

Pretty sure there is a legal time frame for stuff like this. Citizens advice maybe to make sure you're in the clear when you get rid of it.

Id text them both, stating you need to rent out the room again and due to the state of it need time to clean and restore it to a decent standard, so if the items are not collected in 7 days you will assume they are not wanted and dispose of them.

its fair warning given you have tried to contact the mother and been ignored.

Your 'dear friend' sounds like a selfish twat to be honest.

He's not a dear friend. He's a lazy selfish shit.

Well you will be if you put up with this crap.
Message both of them.
Tell them they have until the end of this weekend to get the shit gone or you will be putting it all in a skip.
Make it clear you are very pissed off.

I think if he's paid up to the end of the month, isn't it OK for him to store stuff there?

I agree with Bread - if it's paid for November he's got another 8 days, but it's not 100% clear how you've written it if he has paid for November (or if his mother has). If they haven't and you've already got someone lined up to move in then yes, it's causing you hassle and you need it moving asap.

Yes, his mum has paid the rent to the end of November, so it's his room until then, but having it tidy enough to show other lodgers doesn't seem unreasonable.