Why should I get married?

[JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt]

Whenever I read threads on here, there seems to be a large consensus who think it's unwise to have chn outside of marriage.

Why is this?

Me and my man have 3 chn together, I'm mid twenties, he's late 30s.

I'd happily get married mainly to please my Catholic family, but I'm not too fussed either way.

He doesn't like the idea because he thinks it's 'pointless' (irrelevant argument if you ask me because by that reasoning, it wouldn't do any harm even if it wouldn't do any active good. But whatever, he doesn't want to.)

We keep our finances separate, I prefer it that way, and split everything in half.
We both work FT; of course, when I'm not on ML.
I'm employed, he's self employed.
We rent privately. I have more in savings and a higher level of education than him.

We live inner city in a pretty liberal area so the social side doesn't bother me.

Am I being mighty naive here?
Are me or my chn at risk if it all goes tits up?
What am I missing here?

Please fill me in; I don't want to be potentially blindly walking into a difficult situation one day.

My goodness!! I'm appalled - you don't get married for financial protection in case it goes tits up What a dreadful reason to get married.

You get married because you want to make a vow to be together for the rest of your lives. Has anyone mentioned love yet?? I'm actually quite sad reading this thread.

notangelinajolie - yes, but the conversation is about people who are in a committed, long-term relationship, with children, who don't feel societal or emotional pressure to make a big public declaration, but are looking at what the tangible, practical benefits are. It doesn't make them less committed to the idea of lifelong partnership, just that they don't necessarily see the need to legally validate it. (I say all this as someone who got married at 26 in a tiara and a stupidly expensive dress in front of everyone I know, btw! It was wonderful, nothing to do with tax, nothing to do with tax and everything to do with both of us being fortunate enough to have parents who make marriage look fun, natural and something you'd want to emulate. Not everyone has the same perspective.)

@notangelinajolie given that we'd lived together for 8 years by the time we married and gone through redundancy, unemployment, depression and bereavement we and our families already knew we loved each other, so it wasn't really part of the equation. Yes you should love someone who you commit the rest of your life to but that doesn't necessarily involve marriage.

you don't get married for financial protection in case it goes tits up

We all die......

There are some tax benefits, can’t thing of one other good reason

notangel - it all depends, doesn’t it...
If you are young and dating and there are flowers and candles, etc. Yes - then people get married for the romantic notion of ‘happily ever after’.... And that works out for a some.
But - if people are older, and have careers and assets, and maybe have lived together, and are considering having children - or already have them and want to make their future a bit more predictable and secure - than marriage is less of a romantic endeavour. And more a legal & financial arrangement....

Just look at the postings on the Relationship page now - a few are on ‘DP had and affair and we need to sell the house, OR we live in HIS house; he earns more than me, how am I (and kids) going to cope?’
So - yes - marriage is useful in those cases.

You've hit the nail on the head there Josuk.

Marriage was always a financial transaction. Eventually , love and romance became part of it too. Now I think its a case of I love this person so much I'm willing to bet half of everything I have on this going well. Basically. With some doves and maybe a candy cart thrown in 😂

My oft told tale of best friend who had 4 dcs with man who ‘couldn’t see the point’ ‘it’s only a piece of paper’ . - explains exactly why having children without marriage is just daft - unless you happen to have your own huge independent wealth.

26 yrs later the kids are still ‘dependent’ (19-24 at Uni) but no CM payable. No Pension due to friend. No home . (Several homes owned by ex ‘d’ p).. and guess what ? He married the 26 yr old Latvian he met in Dubai ‘on business ‘ - because ‘she’s catholic and it’s important to her’ ... I missed the important news flash where fucking someone else’s partner is now ‘ok’ in the Catholic religion!)

But let’s just suppose you are lucky enough to earn enough and have sufficient savings to pay for DCs yourself. Why should you ?

There is also the question of bereavement. Should the worst happen - you will not be ‘legally recognised’ as his widow. (And vice-versa) for him. Which means no bereavement payments either . All of which both of you pay for in NI but only claimable by married people.

I can never get my head around why you wouldn’t if you have children. ! I completely understand those who don’t want song and dance of a wedding - expensive and many don’t like the attention BUT going to registry office with 2 friends/family or complete strangers off the street. Cost £215 all in , mid-week.

There is no ‘cohabitant agreement’ that can be had, that provides anything close to the same legal protection to both parties .

Agree with kittens there. First wedding: £20k, fancy hotel, bells and whistles, second wedding: £300 and drinks after at Wetherspoons with 30 of our closest people!! Amazing day! Being really honest, first wedding, we had a child, it represented security to us both, not necessarily monetary but foundation. Obviously didnt last though, sadly. Second wedding, pure unadulterated grown up 40 something love, passion and respect. Sorted! 😊