Are you truly happy in your relationship if you look for sex elsewhere?

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Just curious what people think. I am in an unhappy marriage and recently bumped into an old ex. He messaged me via FB and he has made it 100% clear he would like to meet me for nsa or fwb he would book hotel etc. I turned him down as I think it's so seedy.

The more I think of it though the more I feel sorry for his gf. He is with her a few years and I find it hard to believe he could be properly in love with her if he's being so disrespectful and deceitful. I believe he propositioned me because he thought I'd be easy to sway. I'm not!

Anyway just interested in other people's thoughts. Can men or women really compartmentalise so much as to love a partner and do the dirty on them?

As a poly person in my forties, I know plenty of married poly people with families. It's not just for young and experimenty types.
I do agree with you though about the way some men behave after getting married and having families. Horrendously damaging to the poor spouses having to deal with the consequences.

Winchester how does poly work ?
My DH has several times now struck up online relationships with long ago exes/school mates reconnected on FB . I do t want to leave to wondering g whether to ask if he wants an open relationship.

I don't understand how so many people can be unfaithful. I just never could. Not just because I love and respect my husband but because I think infidelity is totally totally wrong. If you are with someone you just do not have sex with someone else.

I know for sure that even if say an actor I fancied suggested sex I would refuse. I just would not want to plus I know I would never be able to live with my conscience.

My husband feels exactly the same way. We often talk about other people having affairs and neither of us can understand how they can do it.

Look up the Coolidge Effect. It is scientifically accepted and is often discussed in couples therapy.
Fortunately, many are able to control their impulses.

Hi gubby,

That's a very broad question! It works differently for different people, depending on what they want.
One of the most important things though, is that honesty and communication are absolutely key. As is being respectful to your partner.
If your DH is having online relationships behind your back, then he's already striking out on the honest and respectful part of it.
The question to ask yourself is 'Do you want a poly relationship?' or is it just about not wanting to leave your current one?

There's a great description and some FAQs here:
www.morethantwo.com/polyamory.html