No strings attached humiliation

[tootruetoyou]

Just needing to feel a bit better about this. 44 year old mum of two. Joined a NSA looking for excitement. Wow, I got it but at a price. Met a younger guy twice. Very intense, very sexual followed by silence. I sensed danger and kept away (which nearly killed me) but after 3 months a 'hey, how are you?' I just could not ignore it, the pull was too great. However, once we started chatting I could tell he was luke warm and reality set in. Instead of dignified silence, all the built up tension got the better of me and I just blurted out a load of emotional stuff - I am having a mid life crisis, I will get attached, I am too into you, I cannot meet you even though I want to, take it as a compliment. Not even a best wishes back and it has left me feeling like a middle aged, desperate twit. I am having a real problem just laughing it off and feel that my whole self esteem has been shaken. Feel sooooo embarrassed and a very bruised ego.

I'm thinking NSA isn't for you. Why not look for someone to have an emotional connection with?

You're too emotional for ME A. Do proper dating with someone wanting to get "too attached as well

*for NSA

Bloody phone

From what you are saying, it sounds as though you were rejecting his further advances, albeit in an emotional way - that's probably why he didn't respond - his ego would've been dented a bit, and with it being a NSA, he'd want to move onto the next encounter without investing any more time. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about - you turned him down and if you told him to 'take it as a compliment' he probably thought you were trying to spare his feelings.

I bet he isn't half as concerned as you are. NSA is brutal for most women.

Hey, don't feel bad! You told him the truth. He chose to back off. Although I appreciate this isn't great for your ego, it's made you realise where you stand. It's perfectly normal to be upset by this, but at least you now know you theres no point in pursuing this FWB relationship any longer.

If you feel in the mood to go online again, why not - it'll distract you and remind you that you can find other men. Perhaps this time be a bit more wary, though. One of my single friends always had two FWBs on the go, to "dilute" any feelings that could develop into something else. I thought that sounded sensible (and fun!).

HOnestly op, don't bother with shame. It is such a waste of time and an absolutely killer.

You exposed your need for a real, full relationship. Which is true: this is what you want. You've realised this since trying FWB and realising it did your head in.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

There’s no need to feel embarrassed, you’re never going to see or hear from him again so you can just pretend it never happened. I don’t really understand what you expected from him though, you’ve told him you can’t see him need to cut contact because you’re getting too attached and he’s cut contact - that’s what you were asking for isn’t it?

I think you should feel proud, not embarrassed- you’ve been honest to him and to yourself. NSA isn’t for you, and you know that- you don’t need to feel ashamed about the truth. Who cares what one random guy thinks about that (he probably isn’t thinking about it at all- most of us worry more about what others think of us than we should)?

Hell, we've all been the one who wanted a bit more and for it to be rebuffed, NSA or not!

the shame is a nightmare but talk it out with someone you can trust, and sometime soon you'll be able to see the funny side of it.

OP - you don’t sound desperate.
You tried something - NSA - and it’s turns out it’s not for you. You liked another person. End of story.

Once you feel a bit better - just find a better site, more focused on actual dating.
With (potential) strings...
👍👍👍

He probably isn’t giving this a second thought and is on to his next NSA conquest. That’s how it works.

Block & move on. NSA is clearly not for you if you became that attached after 2 meetings.

Good luck

Agree with others NSA not for you. Why not try online dating to see if there's someone you could potentially have a relationship with out there? Or at least a couple of fun dates without the sex so you don't get too attached too quick. No harm in looking. Be kind to yourself there's nothing for you to be embarrassed about xx

hey - thanks for all the advice. This was my first time on mumsnet and it has been really positive. I agree with all you lot have said and NSA will not be something I do again. I am also going to try to work on my obsession about what other people think of me, esp guys that seems to bother me more than anything else even if it is someone I will never see again. Think my self esteem is quite low.

Don't be too hard on yourself, I ended up in what was meant to be a fwb situation and I just ended up getting so hurt. Maybe the fact he was a friend and I cared about him before sleeping with him was a recipe for disaster, but I lived and learnt from it. I can't do casual when feelings are there.