Hi, I'm a lurker but first time poster.
I'm not sure this is the right forum for this as it's not really about a single relationship but a series of things that have impacted my current relationships, IYSMIM.
To try to keep things brief:
I was raped last year by a co-worker. I did report it but honestly the interviews and tests made me feel so much worse that I chose not to pursue it and tried to move on. I found a new job and went on as normally as possible. Most of my coworkers at the new job went out regularly and I joined them. I realise at this point I acted very irresponsibly; I'd been feeling fragile and drinking far too much since the first assault but I just wanted to feel normal.
Anyway one night I was out with my coworkers and we all got far too drunk. I woke up in my male coworker's bed with very little memory of the night before. I was wearing my dress but not my pants (sorry TMI) but I figured I may well have ripped off my pants with tights in my drunken state. I left early and when we went back to work (after bank holiday) he was a bit off with me but insisted to another colleague who had been out with us that we hadn't slept together. I was quite relieved to hear that and although we weren't nearly as close as before I thought everything was ok. Until a few months ago when an old mutual friend of ours (who is much closer to him than me at this point) texted me saying "lol just had dinner with Xxx, can't believe you two hooked up!" I was totally blindsided as I genuinely had believed his insistence that nothing had happened. I confirmed with this friend, who isn't a shit stirrer, and she was appalled that I couldn't remember and said he hadn't framed it like that at all but rather as "mutual fun" and that he really liked me.
I am angry. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I am so so SO angry. He lied to me. I realise I shouldn't have been drinking to the point of not knowing what was happening, and I am working on this. But I get angry every time
I see him. I told a trusted coworker and she told his best friend and next thing I know I get an angry message about how this man is his best friend and I'm clearly disturbed etc. Maybe I am. I'm just so confused and sad. I thought he was a good person but for him to blatantly lie to me it seems he's not...
Anyway now this has affected my relationship with multiple coworkers as some of them think I'm just trying to cause trouble. I do have a few friends who believe me but honestly going into work every day is a struggle and I feel sick thinking about what this man and his friends think about me.