ExH family after separation/divorce

[sunshiney78]

I was just wondering if it was normal for the ex partner’s family to cut off all contact after separation/divorce?

ExH & I separated in July due to OW, in process of divorce & he’s living with OW. Have DD6. Was close to exMIL & SIL, and I don’t have family in this country. They never once asked if I or DD was okay & found out today that they unfriended me on facebook. No contact at all.

Was just a bit shocked as I imagine if tables were turned, i would never behave that way. And a bit gutted tbh.

Odd. I wonder if they are ashamed of him and embarrassed? Or ex-DH has constructed some cock and bull story that blames you for the divorce.

Actually look at it as a positive thing. No bad mouthing you or spying on your new life. And you don't get his business rubbed in your face. Win win.

Sorry you've had such a shit time

He was capable of having an affair so you know he can lie through his teeth. The most obvious explanation is he's spun them all some lies about you to make them cut you off like this. Sadly, you may never find out what.

Would you want to try and get in touch with them?

Is DD having any contact time with them?

I suspect the latter Sparkeltastic. He left his first ex wife when their DCs were 4 & 7 for another woman & told me all sorts about her. I realised over the past few years it was all untrue & she seems like a pretty amazing woman!

I went into a bit of a depression in the month or two after he left & I emailed his mum & sisters asking for support. No response.

He has DD every other w/end at his mum’s so she has contact with them.

No DC in my case but I never heard a peep from my ex MIL after ex and I got divorced and I can only imagine what bs he told her as I've had several "friends" who disappeared at the time approach me later on and apologise for having listened to him while he told lie after lie when I left him. Some of them were so shocked at my "nervous breakdown", "raging affair" and other character assassinations to get in touch at the time and bought it all till the stories kept changing and they realised none of it was true.

Their loss! And hugely insulting people could believe any of it, even for a while, but they thought they knew who he was and had no reason to doubt him. Till they found out.

Ugh. How hurtful - double blow

Bless you. Take care

Quite hurtful, especially as I encouraged/cajoled ExH to spend more time with them/have more of a relationship with them and made a few sacrifices myself to facilitate this.

My brother is divorced. I try and maintain contact with EX SIL ...but she never initiates contact.

She'll reply...but I get the feeling she wants to keep her distance from us.

The other side of this, which won't help you OP, is my DH whose parents were so angry he and his ex got divorced they've cut him off completely and are now BFFs with ex and her new man. They've replaced DH with ex and her new fella and we have no relationship with them at all.

@AnneLovesGilbert
Surely there's more to that.

Who just disowns their child because thry get divorced.

Were you the OW?

Nice sandy No. And ex's new man wasn't the OM either.

Dysfunctional controlling wankers. That's who. MIL would have been okay but FIL is a deeply unpleasant man and DH grew up knowing there were consequences for going against his father's orders but nothing quite like this.

It's a bit weird in our family
BIL (DH's brother) and his wife are divorced but she moved over to South America with her new partner ( SIL and 'new partner' were together for 22 years but split up last year) However BIL and his partner ( they have now been together 19 years) go over and visit SIL most years. In fact (ex ) SIL and BIL's partner planned a suprise 60th for BIL everyone is ok.

DH's Sister divorced about 11 years ago. We socialise a lot with ex BIL as he lives 15 minutes from us and SIL lives in NZ.

There are a couple more rellies like this in our family.

My sister had her ex husband and ex boyfriend and ex MIL for Christmas dinner a few times. She says they have no one else and it's miserable having dinner by herself so she may as well. I'd rather have a butty by myself than put up with that!

I'm in the process of divorce, and my stbx (46) has told his parents to have nothing to do with me (we got on fine prior to this, they came to visit every week) what did I do to warrant the silent treatment? I went to the CMS, when he paid me no maintenance, it was his new girlfriend's (26🙄) Birthday and obviously she was more important than his kids eating. So now my son's do not see their father (his choice) or paternal grandparents! None of this is my doing. I'd never prevent them from having a relationship. My youngest says that he doesn't have a dad! 😭

My brother is divorced and has ds with ex. My parents kept contact and have a good relationship with ex mainly because of my nephew as they help with childcare. It's really hard work though as they sometimes get stuck in the middle. It's easier to cut contact.

It's easier to cut contact.
Just because something may be easier doesn't necessary mean it's the best way, especially if DC's love being with their grandparents and extended family.

He will have said he left you because you were having an affair. And thank goodness he met his lovely Fanny so quickly because his life wasn't worth living because of what you did. Shit, init?

Notacooldad i agree, maintaining contact is better for the dc but I think it's more common to cut because it's less complicated.

My brother divorced his wife for OW. I tried to maintain contact with exSIL but she didn't want to see me or my parents. I have no contact with her nor my niece but am still FB friends with her. Even though I get along with my brother's new wife and they have children, I would still want to see my exSIL and niece if she'll let me.

Blood will nearly always be thicker than water I’m afraid. They’re probably trying their hardest to get along with his new partner