Husband has been sexting

[FairyGal]

Hi, I haven’t posted on anything like this before but I’m too embarrassed to speak to anyone else. I found out last night that my husband has been sexting another woman for over 4 years. Sending explicit messages and pictures to each other. He’s sworn it hasn’t gone any further and I believe him but just feel so betrayed. I could maybe accept a one off but it’s the secret that’s hurting the most. I don’t want this to be the end of my marriage, we have a one year old and I want to be able to move past this. Any advice please?

He has been sexting for 4 years?
He initially never intended to tell You the truth?

I think you should man up & tell yourself "I refuse to be gullible"
Everyone has already asked if you have access to his gadgets & social media after this ideal but you haven't responded.

It all sounds like you want us to tell you it's ok to sweep this dirt under the carpet but everyone has already told you there's more to this than what you want to believe & I too agree. Why is he gonna tell you everything now when he's decided to lie for 4 years ?

What he's done is considered cheating. He's a married man and he shouldn't be flirting or sexting anyone. If you can put up being married to a cheat then that's up to You, he'll forever be happy that he gets to get away with it. The only person who's gonna suffer is you & don't even think for a second you're going to trust him after this. You're forever going to have doubt and possibly anxiety.

Swingers don't waste 4 years sexting.

He's been cheating on you for four years and you don't think it's worth giving up on your marriage for? He's shown you just how little he cares for your vows.

What sort of advice are you looking for? Magical advice on how to get over the worry you're going to feel about this for the rest of the time you stay together? By staying with him you're telling him you're okay with it.

She thought he was texting her because he was interested in her but she found texts between her husband and mine with him asking to text her and what to say etc

Father Christmas is real, so is the tooth fairy.

And pigs really do fly.

If you believe the crock of shite he's telling you, then you'll believe anything. Open your eyes love ffs.

Even if he were telling the truth he isn't he isn't he isn't why would you put up with that?

For four years your dh has been fantasising about another woman. Think about it. While you thought you were going through possibly the most happy, loving, bonding experience of ttc / pregnancy / buying buggies and snuggly sleeping bags. Or perhaps you were frightened and vulnerable. Either way this incredible roller coaster of emotions and your 'd'h was 'just' thinking about another woman, sexting and wanking while thinking about her.

I rarely post in relationships but I am so upset about the level of deception I felt I had to comment. I am sorry if it makes hard reading.

Some incredibly forgiving people could get past this (I couldn't) but it needs to be 100% on your terms. I would at least make him move out while you consider your options to tell him you mean business.

He’s had plenty of time to come clean or stop Doing it in the last 4 years.

Why would a swinger just text, they wouldn't, the would move onto somebody who would do what they want - have sex. You are being taken for a ride. All 3 of them are in this.

Sorry is not what you want to hear.

I would get yourself tested for STIs.

You don't want this to be the end of your marriage? Fair enough.
I can't give you any magic solutions mainly because in my case I tried to move forward, spent 3.5 yrs not fully trusting him, being made to feel paranoid and I'm very happily divorced.
But if you want to give it a go, you need the whole truth you won't get it, ever and although pp say passwords etc I never quite understand this as how long do you demand access to their social media, phone, email etc, 1 year, 2 years, the rest of your marriage?
I get earning trust back but I don't think I could live like that now.
I think what I'm trying to say is how you get past this is down to you and your expectations or needs.

If she's a swinger, what's in it for her to text for four years? She would want to meet him straight away. Have you actually seen the messages?

There are some mean responses here.

Go easy ffs.

Horrible responses from posters who failed to achieve what the OP hopes to.

You will find your way OP and decide what’s best for you. Please do not be swayed by the opinions of others who have either failed, or haven’t been through it xxx

I'm so so sorry to hear this has happened to you. Please take care of yourself

OP why do you think your DH is someone that a swinger might approach? What might have given them the idea that your husband may be open to it?

OP why do you think your DH is someone that a swinger might approach?

Exactly. He went looking and given there’s an excess of men compared to women and marrieds then he won’t have struck lucky immediately.