Background. Have been with DP for just over 11 years. Not married. I wanted to. He said it would happen but then there was always a reason not to.
Two DD's in primary school. Things have not been great. No other people involved, but he pulled away completely whilst I suffered postnatal depression. Twice. He has always been very selfish and puts himself and his interest first. However, to his credit he is a very loving dad and adores the DD's and does lots for them. Now.
We had a massive crisis nearly three years ago when he slept on the sofa for 8 months as he 'needed space' he was not sure of the relationship etc. However, this was all down to me apparently. In the end it turned out he was actually very depressed.
We have been to counseling twice and things get better for a while, but I have now come to the conclusion that I cannot be in the relationship anymore. For my own sake. There is zero love and affection from his side for me. I get the distinct impression I annoy him more than anything. E.g. If I (hypothetically) were to fall over his instinctive reaction would be annoyance rather than concern.
I keep asking myself 'do I want to live like this for the rest of my life' and the answer is a big no. Also, I am concerned over the example I am setting to the DD's. I would never want them to be in this type of relationship. I am there because of what I have invested rather than how it is now.
So, wtf to do now?! I am in a financially dependent situation, as I work PT on a very low salary. I have no family in England. No secret nest eggs to fall back upon, but we completely co-own the property we live in, which he actually to his great credit he gave me co-ownership of when I fell pregnant. However, as I am the one wanting to end it I guess I am the one that should leave?!
I feel frozen and don't know where to start with getting out and am feeling very very sad and scared.