How do I stop obsessing?

[LizaJane85]

Some of you may know my situation from my posts in other threads.
My stbxh split up with me almost 10 weeks ago now. It was a long time coming. We hadn’t been right for months. We have one dd together.
We have minimal contact with each other, I literally see him for a minute or so at drop offs and any other contact regarding dd is through his mum.
I’ve had to do this for my own sanity. Nearly every waking thought I have is of him and his new girlfriend. It drives me mad. I wonder how often they text each other, how often they speak to each other and when they are going to see each other next.
I’m off Facebook for the time being (this is how I found out he was in a new relationship) but I often find a way to get on there. It isn’t healthy and every time I see a photo of them together it’s like a punch in the stomach.
My dd keeps me focused but there are some days where my thoughts are so overwhelming. It’s truly taking over my life. I try and look to the future and that helps. But some days I just miss him and wish it was me he was texting.
I just wondered if anyone had any advice for me or if you’d been through this too? I feel like I’m going insane.

Thanks miracle for your lovely post. Yes, I do remember talking to you in the NC thread. I was doing so well until I discovered his new relationship.

I’m trying to focus on me but it’s hard when my thoughts always redirect to him. I’ve been NC with him now for 6 days and I just can’t stop thinking what he is up to or what he is doing. Why does it bother me so much?!

I’m going to try the techniques you’ve suggested, I guess it’s going to take me actually stopping my thoughts to try and break the habit.

Your post has really helped me. Thank you x

Hope you're okay Liza

Chin up x

Thanks Dolly! How are you? Xx

Been better Liza if I am being honest.

Day 5 for me. Going to Malta on Wednesday so hoping it will be a good distraction. The day I come back will be Day 11 and this is the furthest i have reached. I am not determined to break this time!xx

Aww Dolly, a holiday is just what you need! We miss you in the kik chat. Keep your head up. We will get there x

Liza What you are experiencing is par for the course unfortunately.
I can tell you that it does get easier. 10 weeks is really no time at all and indeed the fact that you have a dd together makes the whole thing infinitely harder.
I agree that as silly as it might seem when you find your thoughts running away with you say 'stop'. Do it internally if you are out and about. Tell yourself 'STOP'. It's also worth you throwing yourself whole-heartedly into something, whatever that may be, writing, drawing, stitching, reading ...whatever.
Write a letter (but don't send it) about the relationship and why it had to end and what he did, what you did and why you now need to let go and move on. Keep writing and adding to the letter whenever a thought occurs to you. Write till the words no longer make sense.
It's not easy, but day by day, step-by-step you will get there. And keep posting here if it helps.

Liza- One day we will laugh about this. Promise. I am going to join the kik chat when I am back from holiday. Send everyone on their my love x

I keep torturing myself thinking about what he is gonna buy his new gf for Xmas and even Valentine’s Day! What is wrong with me????

dolly I miss you loads!!! Message me on kik when you're back, I was asking the girls how you were today as been thinking of you, so glad to hear you're staying strong and enjoy Malta.

Liza there is nothing wrong with you, this is what would run through any normal persons head because he has BETRAYED you. Total utter BETRAYAL and it's hurtful and horrible and it's going to make you think of everything as it's just so hard to comprehend someone you cared about so much could do this to you. Anyway i'll message you on the app lol. Thanks miraclecure for the advice, i'm going to take that too.

Thanks everyone. I think everyone should follow @MiracleCure ’a advice definitely 

Oh. My. God.

I could have written EVERY SINGLE WORD of this OP. Every word. The obsessing, the new girlfriend, the punch in the stomach when you see a pic of them on Fb, the finding out about them via FB (I was on phone to him at the time! We were planning our week together(?!?!) My DD keeps me going too.

I’m 2 years on and I still obsess and think of him a bit. But it IS easier now. Knowing that eventually she will see what he’s like. Apparently they’ve split now, but I don’t believe it for a second. He doesn’t bother with our DD. Hasn’t since I found out about them. He calls whenever they’ve had a row. But I’m cutting him out now and going NC.

Pm me if you ever need to chat. I totally get it xx

Thanks protecting. It’s nice to hear from someone who is out the other side. I may take you up in that offer of a pm!

Hey miracle.
Im ok. Bit up and down. I’ve been using the STOP technique. It does help and I even went 30 minutes without one thought.

Thanks for all your advice. It has really helped

Thank you! I had a kfc for lunch. Yummers x

At work tomorrow but may head to Starbucks on the way!

Happy dribbling by the way!! Sounds lush

He's changed his fb profile pic to one of him and her. A 'friend' informed me. He hadn't done this up until now. Why is it bothering me so much?!?? It was 2 months last Wednesday. How has he moved on so quick?

Liza, that's insensitive of him really. I am not sure how old your DD but he should think about hers snd your feeling and at least keep a low profile with new woman. I totally get why that has upset you so much. I never understand how men move on so quickly. I wonder if they really do deep down.

Gosh that is really insensitive and quite an emotionally immature thing to do. I'm really sorry you're experiencing the repetitive thoughts about him and her. I think every one of us have had some sort of experience like this at some point in their lives. It can be pretty draining too. It's perfectly normal though. Don't beat yourself up. You're trying to process what's happened and, like you said, how can he behave like this so soon after leaving your relationship?! The comparing yourself to the OW will be because you're probably wondering what is so special about her that he'd leave his family and be loved-up so soon. Is there a possibility that he emotionally 'checked out" of your relationship some time ago? I don't want to hurt you by saying that but it might explain how he appears to have moved on so quickly....

Thanks for your responses.

It is getting to the point now where I need to let this go.